


HopeEgg and the Hope's Peak Chatroom Clusterfuck Adventures

by saixhara



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Another Episode, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Crack, Eurovision, F/F, Group Chat Fic, I'm going to try to make a full list of character names bc its gotten confusing, Im sorry i made this, M/M, More ships to come (possibly?), Oops, They're going on a school trip now. Bye Eurovision, also v3 spoilers in chapter 9, and who's to say they aren't joking about it, apparently they r in Europe bc I cba to look up timezones, but it's not described they r on a group chat, drv3 cast vaguely mentioned, its nearly 2 in the morning and I just watched eurovision, ive confused myself with the order of the names at this point for anybody past the first game, might continue this if anyone likes my bad writing and unoriginality, neither are the drv3 cast, no (or possibly minor?) v3 spoilers, possibly in chapter 10 too, references on the above ships having sex, rest of the sdr2 cast vaguely mentioned, small writing bits at the end for fun occasionally, the sdr2 cast are no longer vaguely mentioned, whoops
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2018-10-31 12:43:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 27,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10899585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saixhara/pseuds/saixhara
Summary: It is midnight when it hits meI have just watched Eurovision, have had many hetalia flashbacks, and here I laySpending two hours writing an unoriginal group chat fic in which Naegi tries to get them to watch Eurovision and failsThe Eurovision part of this disappeared.HallMonitor:No swearing Mondo!ButterBiker:i can swear whether you fucking like it or notDonuts:he called him MondoDonuts:gayChirpyBluebird:gayHopeEgg:gayRockstxr:gayTechie:gayButterBiker:like ur ones to talkTechie:fairOtaku:we shouldn't even be watching eurovision we're Japanese





	1. Eurovision

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so tired ha h a  
> Names:  
> HopeEgg - Naegi  
> Legami - Togami  
> Detective - Kirigiri  
> Donuts - Asahina  
> Bookworm - Fukawa  
> ChirpyBluebird - Maizono  
> Rockstxr (and shsl gay) - Kuwata  
> Techie (and shsl gayest) - Fujisaki  
> ButterBiker (and shsl gayer) - Oowada  
> HallMonitor - Ishimaru  
> Otaku - Yamada  
> MarieAntoinette - Celes  
> Fighter - Oogami  
> DespairTits - Junko  
> DaughterOfFenrir - Mukuro

**HopeEgg** added **Legami** , **Detective** and **13 others** to " **Untitled Group Chat** "

 **HopeEgg** has renamed the chat to " **Eurovision Squad** "

 **HopeEgg:** its eurovision tonight guys  
**Legami:** I would never stoop myself to such a level as to watch that.  
**Legami:** It has always been terrible.  
**ButterBiker:** everyone watches that for how shit it is  
**ButterBiker:** it's called having fun you rich prick  
**HallMonitor:** No swearing Mondo!  
**ButterBiker:** i can swear whether you fucking like it or not  
**Donuts:** he called him Mondo  
**Donuts:** gay  
**ChirpyBluebird:** gay  
**HopeEgg:** gay  
**Rockstxr:** gay  
**Techie:** gay  
**ButterBiker:** like ur ones to talk  
**Techie:** fair  
**Otaku:** we shouldn't even be watching eurovision we're Japanese  
**MarieAntoinette:** I find it quite... interesting.  
**DespairTits:** isn't the entire point of it to just,,,  
**DespairTits:** enter shit singers then laugh at them  
**DaughterOfFenrir:** ... I have never heard of it  
**Fighter:** I have never heard of it either.  
**HopeEgg:** I'll explain!  
**HopeEgg:** so basically it's a singing competition between European countries in which each country enters a singer or a band and one of their songs and the viewers vote at the end of it!  
**HopeEgg:** like Enoshima said, normally they enter people who are really terrible  
**HopeEgg:** but they've been taking it more seriously in recent years so it's less fun  
**Techie:** isn't the only exception to that European rule being Australia or smth  
**HopeEgg:** yeah it's really out of place if you ask me  
**Fighter:** I hate to disappoint anyone, but this does not seem like the kind of thing I would be interested in.  
**Donuts:** but it's great fun with friends!  
**Donuts:** I'll watch it with you if you want Sakura!  
**Fighter:** ...I will try it, with you.  
**ButterBiker:** gay  
**Rockstxr:** gay  
**Techie:** gay  
**DespairTits:** gay  
**HallMonitor:** gay  
**Rockstxr:** OHHH SHIT U KNO U CROSSED THE LINE WHEN KIYOTAKA FUCKING ISHIMARU JOINS IN  
**Donuts:** FUCK OFF  
**Detective:** ...gay  
**HopeEgg:** i expected this chat to spiral into hell but i didnt realise it would be this quick  
**Legami:** I'm not being part of this any longer.

 **Legami** has left the chat.

 **HopeEgg** has added **Legami** to the chat.

 **HopeEgg:** no leaving.  
**ChirpyBluebird:** uhm guys?  
**ChirpyBluebird:** I think it's going to start soon! ♪(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)♪  
**HopeEgg:** shit ur right  
**Detective:** are we all just going to  
**Detective:** stay in our rooms  
**Detective:** apart from Asahina and Oogami of course  
**Legami:** You Can Keep Me In This Chat But You Cannot Force Me To Watch It.  
**HopeEgg:** brb going to Byakuya's room  
**DespairTits:** Byakuya  
**HopeEgg:** we WILL be watching Eurovision and he is GOING to like it  
**HopeEgg:** wait fuck i didnt mean to call him byakuya  
**DaughterOfFenrir:** gay  
**Donuts:** gay  
**Otaku:** gay  
**ChirpyBluebird:** gay  
**Rockstxr:** gay  
**Techie:** gay  
**HopeEgg:** i cannot believe this  
**ButterBiker:** gay  
**HopeEgg:** i feel betrayed  
**Techie:** anyway to answer your question Kirigiri I'm w Leon rn so  
**HopeEgg:** gay  
**Rockstxr:** ...  
**HopeEgg:** you guys did it to me now suffer  
**Techie:** no it's just you couldn't be any more correct  
**Rockstxr:** FUCK  
**Rockstxr:** I THOUGHT WE WERE KEEPING THIS SECRECT  
**Bookworm:** secrect  
**HopeEgg:** CRYPTID SPOTTED  
**Donuts:** CRYPTID SPOTTED  
**DespairTits:** CRYPTID SPOTTED  
**Bookworm:** ...f-fuck all of you  
**ButterBiker:** stutter-typing  
**Bookworm:** s-shut up you filthy biker  
**Bookworm:** fuck off and go make out with your b-boyfriend  
**ButterBiker:** uhh...  
**Bookworm:** You were actually doing it weren't you.  
**HopeEgg:** I was wondering why we hadn't been told off so much for swearing :/  
**MarieAntoinette:** I went to get.  
**MarieAntoinette:** Yamada to get me.  
**MarieAntoinette:** a cup of royal milk tea.  
**MarieAntoinette:** for two minutes.  
**MarieAntoinette:** and this is what I come back to.  
**Techie:** guys stfu the first people are starting and all I can hear is my phone  
**HallMonitor:** N,,,,.. &£o  
**HallMonitor:** sw,,,)/854ear££@!,in!??!,g  
**HopeEgg:** Oowada u broke him  
**Techie:** I'm less surprised about that than the fact that Ishimaru knows what stfu stands for

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**HopeEgg:** how the fuck did portugal win that act was absolute shit  
**Legami:** I can't believe you made me sit through that shit  
**Detective:** well I mean,,,  
**Detective:** a lot of the girls were,,, really pretty  
**Rockstxr:** Kyoko Kirigiri, shsl lesbian  
**Donuts:** excuse u  
**Rockstxr:** well I mean

 **Rockstxr** has changed their name to **shsl gay**

 **ButterBiker** has changed their name to **shsl gayer**

 **Techie** has changed their name to **shsl gayest**

 **HopeEgg:** tfw u make a chat for Quality Eurovision Friend Time and it ends up 90% memes  
**Donuts:** what chat doesn't end up like that  
**Legami:** a chat in which the participants have dignity  
**HopeEgg:** ooo snap  
**ChirpyBluebird:** idk why  
**ChirpyBluebird:** but why do I get the feeling that a certain few couples only saw the results  
**ChirpyBluebird:** ʕʘ‿ʘʔ  
**shsl gayest:** ok first of all that emote is terrifying and I'm going to ask you never to use it again  
**ChirpyBluebird:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
**shsl gay:** better  
**MarieAntoinette:** @Legami I bet you 1000¥ Fujisaki tops  
**shsl gayest:** what!?  
**Legami:** I bet you my privilege for a week Kuwata tops  
**shsl gay:** whoa no thanks we don't need to talk about our sex life guys  
**shsl gayest:** wtf r u talking about Togami of course I top Leon's a fucking twink  
**shsl gay:** BETRAYAL  
**shsl gay:** I HAVE BEEN HURT  
**Legami:** if I find out you said that just to make me lose my privileges for a week I will personally hunt down your life's work and destroy it and you in the process  
**shsl gayest:** not if Alter Ego manages to snap you like the twig you are first  
**HopeEgg:** YO  
**HopeEgg:** UNCHILL FUCKING FUJISAKI  
**HopeEgg:** GET DESTROYED TOGAMI  
**Otaku:** As far as I can tell, he already has been destroyed.  
**HopeEgg:** ...?  
**Legami:** what the fuck are you implying, commoner  
**Donuts:** lol Togami's not going to be able to sit down for weeks  
**shsl gayer:** lol Asahina's not going to be able to sit down for weeks  
**Donuts:** no Mondo that's not how it works  
**shsl gayer:** but I mean  
**shsl gayer:** am I wrong  
**HopeEgg:** lol Mondo's not going to be able to sit down for weeks  
**shsl gayer:** yo guys stfu Kyoudai's asleep and if I find he wakes up bc his phone's going off I'm going to shove a rusty take up the perp's ass  
**HopeEgg:** lol Mondo's not going to be able to sit down for weeks  
**Detective:** that's getting old already  
**Detective:** that's about as short as the average meme's lifespan  
**Bookworm:** Eurovision was absolutely terrible this year  
**HopeEgg:** cryptid spotted  
**Donuts:** cryptid spotted  
**DespairTits:** cryptic spotted  
**Bookworm:** you know what  
**Bookworm:** fuck all of you

 **Bookworm** changed their name to **ShouTheKiller**

 **ShouTheKiller:** I don't know what the fuck you've all been up to but I can grasp that it's gay  
**DespairTits:** did u actually just  
**DespairTits:** Change ur gc name  
**DespairTits:** just to show that you're Shou and not Fukawa  
**ShouTheKiller:** yes  
**shsl gayest:** ok I'm actually really tired rn  
**shsl gay:** yeah same  
**shsl gayer:** no shit u just got laid  
**shsl gay:** don't act like ur not part of our club  
**Legami:** Naegi fell asleep on my fucking bed  
**Donuts:** well I mean if that's not gay idk what is  
**Legami:** you  
**shsl gay:** oh shit Togami getting fucking savage at half 1 in the bloody morning  
**DaughterOfFenrir:** guys go thE FUCK TO SLEEP  
**shsl gay:** fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave kudos and comments if you want to see more, give me feedback, tell me how shit and unoriginal this is, or tell me to go the fuck to sleep  
> Eurovision was a wild ride for me also I'm not editing this till I regret everything in the morning


	2. Oversleeping and Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they all nearly skip class  
> being tired is fun  
> then the headmaster is added to the chat to sort them all out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So instead of working on this at midnight I worked on this during the week~ yay!  
> I didn't expect many people to really want any more of this 0-0''' but I tried my best! And I'm writing a third chapter so I'll probably upload that next week?
> 
> Haha other fic? what other fic i'm not procrastinating hah a

**Donuts:** I HAVE AWOKEN  
**HopeEgg:** ASAHINA WHAT THE FUCK IT'S LIKE,,, 8 IN THE MORNING  
**HopeEgg:** CLASS STARTS IN 15 MINUTES  
**HopeEgg:** wait  
**Legami:** you hypocrite you're still in My Room on My Bed where you have been All Night.  
**HopeEgg:** ok first of all you could have woken me up like the asshole u r  
**HopeEgg:** second where is Ishimaru?  
**HopeEgg:** the fact that I haven't gotten a detention yet is astounding  
**HallMonitor:** what the fuck r u all talking about  
**HallMonitor:** I just woke up and my phone's goin off like crazy wtf  
**HopeEgg:** what did Mondo do to make you type like that  
**HallMonitor:** tf u mean I am Mondo  
**HallMonitor:** WAIT  
**Donuts:** I CANT BELIEVE YOU PICKED UP HIS PHONE  
**Donuts:** THIS IS FUCKINV BEAUTIFUL  
**shsl gayer:** OK I FOUND MY PHONE  
**shsl gayer:** PLEASE TELL ME YOU CAN DELETE MESSAGES  
**HopeEgg:** NOPE! :D  
**shsl gayer:** FUCK YOU NAEGI  
**Legami:** '"I bet you my privilege for a week Kuwata tops" - Legami, (Today, 01:25)'  
**Legami:** I Lost. The Bet.  
**Legami:** Now I Pay The Price  
**shsl gayest:** I can't believe u actually took Celes' bet seriously.  
**Legami:** are you telling me  
**Legami:** that you lied  
**Legami:** to make me lose my privilege.  
**shsl gayest:** nah lol that wasn't a lie  
**shsl gay:** why do I hurt all over

 **Legami** has left the chat.

 **HopeEgg** has added **Legami** to the chat.

 **shsl gay:** bc I have been BETRAYED FOR THE THIRD TIME IN THE SPAN OF 12 HOURS  
**Legami: @HopeEgg** let me leave commoner I am a rich man with important things to do  
**shsl gayest:** '"I bet you my privilege for a week Kuwata tops" - Legami, (Today, 01:25)'  
**shsl gayest:** : )  
**Legami:** fuck you  
**HallMonitor:** No swearing!  
**HallMonitor:** Also Kyoudai has been sitting in my bathroom for a while now and I think it's my fault.  
**HallMonitor:** Help?  
**HopeEgg:** OH  
**HopeEgg:** let me pm him real quick  
**HallMonitor:** pm?  
**HopeEgg:** private message  
**DespairTits:** holy shit i actually got here before ishimaru  
**DespairTits:** wait  
**HopeEgg:** fuck I forgot  
**DespairTits:** are you all planning to bunk off or something?  
**DespairTits:** and you didn't tell ME??? of all people???  
**DespairTits:** or sis i suppose but who gives a fuck  
**DaughterOfFenrir:** i haven't had a sleepless night since i first joined fenrir  
**DaughterOfFenrir:** i have been s c a r r e d  
**shsl gayest:** sleepless nights suck im so sorry  
**shsl gayest:** do u know why you couldnt sleep?  
**DaughterOfFenrir:** idfk maybe it was related to the fact that maybe my room is right next to Togamis and practically right across from urs  
**DaughterOfFenrir:** hint fucking hint  
**shsl gayest:** oh shit sorry  
**shsl gayest:** THIS WAS UNINTENDED  
**shsl gayest:** PLEASE DONT BE MAD  
**DaughterOfFenrir:** IM FUCKING LIVID  
**DespairTits:** fujisaki u better fucking run she's sprinting  
**shsl gayest:** FUCK  
**shsl gay:** FUCK

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**Detective:** sensei is fucking pissed  
**Detective:** the headmaster wants me to find out why only two people turned up to class  
**DespairTits:** i told u if fujisaki or kuwata step out of their room they're dead  
**shsl gayest:** nah lol we worked past that  
**shsl gay:** I think she's trying to break down Togami's door.  
**HopeEgg:** IKUSABA'S TRYING TO BREAK DOWN THE DOOR  
**Legami:** then it's a good thing I'm nowhere near my room  
**HopeEgg:** she stopped  
**HopeEgg:** byakuya get the fuck out of the library  
**Legami:** ... im not in the library  
**DaughterOfFenrir:** binch don't lie to me  
**shsl gayer:** binch  
**ChirpyBluebird:** binch  
**Otaku:** binch  
**Donuts:** binch  
**MarieAntoinette:** binch  
**DespairTits:** binch  
**HopeEgg:** binch  
**Detective:** binch  
**Fighter:** binch  
**HopeEgg:** i only just realised  
**HopeEgg:** but Hagakure hasn't even spoken in the chat yet  
**Detective:** funny story  
**Detective:** he just arrived to class  
**Detective:** dad is frantically asking him where the rest of you are  
**HopeEgg:** dad  
**Detective:** he says he has no clue but that it must be linked to the weird bee in his room that he can't see but won't leave  
**Detective:** he said it didn't stop until around 2 in the morning  
**HopeEgg:** tell him I said sorry  
**Legami:** IVE BEEN CAUGHT  
**Legami:** FUCK  
**HallMonitor:** Language!  
**HopeEgg:** oh btw Ishimaru, Mondo never replied to me :/  
**HallMonitor:** That is quite alright Naegi!  
**HallMonitor:** He just came out and told me how sorry he was.  
**HallMonitor:** But I couldn't tell what about?  
**shsl gayer:** DONT TELL HIM  
**HallMonitor:** But Mondo! We share all of our secrets!  
**HopeEgg:** Don't worry Ishimaru! It was just something small - Mondo's overreacting is all!  
**HallMonitor:** Naegi  
**HopeEgg:** ?  
**HallMonitor:** Naegi I'm late for class  
**HopeEgg:** oh no  
**HallMonitor:** why are you all even on your phones??? You should be in class and you. Shouldn't have your phones out  
**HallMonitor:** Kyoudai!  
**HallMonitor:** is this what you were apologising for???  
**shsl gayer:** uh  
**shsl gayer:** sure  
**HallMonitor:** I BET WE'RE THE ONLY PEOPLE NOT IN CLASS  
**HallMonitor:** THE HEADTEACHER'S GOING TO LOOK DOWN ON ME  
**HallMonitor:** IM NEVER GOING TO ACHIEVE MY DREAMS  
**HallMonitor:** I SHOULD NEVER HAVE AGREED TO WATCH EUROVISION WITH EVERYONE  
**HopeEgg:** haha funny story Ishimaru uh  
**HopeEgg:** only Junko, Kirigiri and Hagakure turned up to class today  
**shsl gayer:** ...  
**shsl gayer:** naegi hes just  
**shsl gayer:** staring at his phone  
**shsl gayer:** u broke him  
**Detective:** Dad thinks Moldova should've won  
**Detective:** also he wants Ishimaru to know that we all have our off days  
**Detective:** and that sometimes, it's normal for an entire class to not turn up simply because they couldn't be bothered  
**HallMonitor:** IM SORRY HEADMASTER KIRIGIRI I WONT DO IT AGAIN  
**shsl gayer:** he's crying  
**HopeEgg:** ok u kno who else hasn't spoken  
**HopeEgg:** Fukawa  
**ShouTheKiller:** I was w-writing part of my latest book.  
**ShouTheKiller:** Because apparently I'm the only person who cares about my talent.  
**ShouTheKiller:** wait

 **ShouTheKiller** has changed their name to Bookworm.

 **Bookworm:** There.  
**Detective:** Dad wants me to add him to the chat, but I don't have admin privileges.  
**HopeEgg:** Well it's a good thing Byakuya doesn't have admin because he lost all his privileges.  
**shsl gayest:** ;)  
**shsl gay:** ;')

 **HopeEgg**  has added **Headmaster** to the chat.

 **Headmaster:** Hello!  
**Headmaster:** I'm sure you're all having fun and all, but could you please attend class?  
**Headmaster:** I was extremely worried when I found out nobody showed up, and apparently the only person with a proper excuse is Fukawa!  
**Headmaster:** So please head to your classroom immediately!  
**HopeEgg:** Yes sir!  
**HallMonitor:** Yes sir!  
**shsl gayer:** i think togami died  
**Headmaster:** Really? Is he okay?  
**shsl gayer:** yeah he's fine he's just Fucking Dead  
**HallMonitor:** Language Mondo!  
**Headmaster:** Oh.  
**Legami:** I cannot fucking believe this.  
**Legami:** Ikusaba just passed out.  
**Legami:** In the middle of the fucking library  
**Legami:** Wait sorry Headmaster Kirigiri.  
**HallMonitor:** Language!  
**Headmaster:** I... wasn't expecting an apology from Togami of all people.  
**MarieAntoinette:** He bet his rich man's privilege on something with me and I won.  
**Headmaster:** Also... Ikusaba passed out?  
**DespairTits:** I already told u sir, she didn't get aaaaany sleep last night because she somehow managed to hear two of the class couples' uh... noises... through the soundproof walls installed in every room.  
**shsl gay:** betrayal  
**shsl gayest:** honesty  
**HopeEgg:** dare I say... despair  
**DespairTits:** Togami you ruined him he swore he would never say it.  
**Otaku:** 2.You will be amazed by the quality. Wearing it, it can bring you more confidence, and more charm!  
**Otaku:** i didn't mean to send that  
**Otaku:** uh  
**Otaku:** I'll be right there sir  
**Headmaster:** If there's something I've noticed, Asahina and Oogami seem awfully quiet?  
**MarieAntoinette:** I bet it's because their hands hurt.  
**Headmaster:** Why would that be?  
**HallMonitor:** I can't seem to recall the two of them doing anything involving hands...  
**Donuts:** Innocent squad  
**Donuts:** Do you remember when Fujisaki was part of that? Because I sure do.  
**shsl gayest:** >:/  
**shsl gayest:** anyway sir I'm omw with Leon rn  
**Headmaster:** Okay good! That just leaves 6 students who still need to go to class!  
**Headmaster:** Actually make that 5, I doubt Ikusaba will be waking up any time soon.  
**HopeEgg:** I'll be there in a second sir!  
**HallMonitor:** I will be there eventually! I just need to get Mondo out of his room.  
**MarieAntoinette:** I'm coming.  
**Headmaster:** That just leaves... Sakura?  
**Donuts:** Sakura fell asleep again! I'm sorry sir, but I didn't want to wake her up.  
**Headmaster:** That's fine. Let her sleep. Do you know why she's so tired?  
**Donuts:** uhhh...  
**Donuts:** I don't think so?  
**Headmaster:** Oh! Okay!  
**Headmaster:** Final thing then!  
**Headmaster:** You can remove me after this, but to make sure something like this doesn't happen again, I'm going to have to request you add Kizakura to the chat.  
**Donuts:** What!

 **HopeEgg** has added **VodkaMan** to the chat.

 **VodkaMan:** yo  
**Legami:** Makoto, you actually added him to the chat  
**HopeEgg:** PEER PRESSURE  
**VodkaMan:** gay  
**Donuts:** gay  
**shsl gay:** gay  
**shsl gayest:** gay  
**HopeEgg:** not you too Kizakura...  
**VodkaMan:** ive been on this chat for 5 minutes and i can already tell what u lot have been up to ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Detective** has left the chat.

 **HopeEgg** has added **Detective** to the chat!

 **Detective:** why  
**Headmaster:** ok I can already see I'm going to regret my decision  
**Headmaster:** Goodbye everyone! And get off your phones!

 **Headmaster** has left the chat.

 **ChirpyBluebird:** he said, on his phone  
**HopeEgg:** when did u get into the classroom I didn't even notice  
**VodkaMan:** ok lesson one, no telling Jin  
**Detective:** Jin  
**VodkaMan:** lesson two, I dgaf what u lot talk about on here bc I'm only on this chat so I don't get fired or so that Jin will still let me talk to him  
**VodkaMan:** any questions?  
**VodkaMan:** ok good  
**shsl gay:** should we go find Hagakure's phone? He looks v confused :/  
**VodkaMan:** l e t h i m be c o n f u s e d  
**HallMonitor:** We shouldn't be on our phones in class! Kizakura, sir, you are abusing your role as our teacher!  
**VodkaMan:** yeah but it's not like we'll get in trouble lol  
**HallMonitor:** I am going to tell the headteacher.  
**shsl gayer:** WHOA HEY BUDDY  
**shsl gayer:** HOW ABOUT WE DON'T DO THAT?  
**HallMonitor:** Lessons are for learning! Not messaging on your phone!  
**VodkaMan:** lol get a room  
**HopeEgg:** this is fucking wild im  
**shsl gayest:** we r all just  
**shsl gayest:** sitting in the same room  
**shsl gayest:** messaging each other  
**VodkaMan:** ok who's the shsl gay squad  
**HopeEgg:** in order of gayness, Leon, Mondo, Chihiro  
**shsl gayest:** I have been s o l d o u t  
**shsl gay:** :/  
**shsl gayer:** so Kyoudai won't let us be on our phones unless Kizakura teaches us something on there  
**DespairTits:** yeah we know  
**DespairTits:** it's kinda hard to miss the yelling  
**HopeEgg:** ok half the class is chat dead  
**HopeEgg:** so we should probably get off our phones  
**HopeEgg:** also Hagakure  
**VodkaMan:** f ine  
**VodkaMan:** ur no fun

EXTRA (non-chat)

  
The headmaster, Jin Kirigiri, watched as the missing students filed into the room, noticing their ruffled appearances and dark circles under their eyes. Few walked in with bright eyes, ready to start the day, and instead had their phones in hand, ready to message the group chat Naegi had made.

He knew the chat itself had been created with good intentions, but the chat had caused more trouble than he'd thought. Or maybe it was entirely Eurovision's fault.  
He could hear the person standing next to him, Koichi Kizakura, trying to hold back a snicker as Kuwata and Fujisaki walked in, the extremely cheery programmer with the tired, limping baseball player behind them.  
Despite his knowledge as headmaster, Jin Kirigiri could not tell what the cause of his laughter could be.

He looked down at his phone, which he had been using to get the mainly sleepy students out of the bedroom and for into the classroom. He had felt the phone itself vibrate, but was relieved to find that Ishimaru and Naegi were trying to get the biker to class. That just left two people not entirely accounted for.

 **Headmaster:** That just leaves... Sakura?  
**Donuts:** Sakura fell asleep again! I'm sorry sir, but I didn't want to wake her up.

Still, it was unusual for Oogami to oversleep - the fighter made sure she was ready for anything at all times. Yet he supposed that, if Oogami needed the extra sleep, she ought to have it. As long as it wasn't too common of an occurrence.

 **Headmaster:** That's fine. Let her sleep. Do you know why she's so tired?  
**Donuts:** uhhh...  
**Donuts:** I don't think so?

That message was... slightly suspicious. Despite not really being in any group chats before, Jin knew that the 'uhhh...' was added for effect, as if the person were speaking in real life. That was his guess at least, but something seemed off.  
He noticed Koichi looking over his shoulder at his phone, reading the message himself, then bringing himself into another loop of trying not to snicker. He did eventually stop, after a quick glare, to take a sip from the drink he always carried around.

 **Headmaster:** Oh! Okay!

He quickly typed. Then a sudden thought came to him as Naegi walked in and sat down.  
He looked at Naegi, who rubbed his eyes, before taking his phone out of his pocket, then looked at Koichi, who seemed to be having fun.

 **Headmaster:** You can remove me after this, but to make sure something like this doesn't happen again, I'm going to have to request you add Kizakura to the chat.  
Donuts: What!

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Naegi peer, slightly... shocked? At the message. The small boy looked up to meet Jin's gaze, to find the headmaster nod at him. It was very soon before-

 **HopeEgg** has added **VodkaMan** to the chat.

And even faster for-

 **VodkaMan:** yo

After looking at their phones, almost collectively, the other students looked bewildered, but in general, he had been expecting a worse reaction. Yet as Togami called Naegi, 'Makoto', it was Koichi who set off a chain of 'gay' comments, as well as the person who snorted loudly as Kyoko left the chat, only to be furiously re-added by Naegi.

Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to make Koichi watch the chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this! I hope it was as good as the first chapter! ^-^  
> Next chapter will probably be late next week bc I'm going comicon! So I might fall asleep before I can upload it.


	3. Another Newcomer is added to the chat!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alter Ego is added to the chat and instantly becomes the Shsl kinkshamer as well as the Shsl blackmailer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for updating late! I went to comicon yesterday, and fell asleep really quickly 0-0'''
> 
> Edit: I fixed the formatting problem on this chapter! I'm going to try to do the same thing with the other chapters. Unfortunately in doing so, I have replaced the snails with weird smiley faces you can get from your keyboard. That being said, I'm not changing everything to Smiley racing or smth. Sorry for spending so long trying to fix this chapter!

420blazeit: hey guys! I found my phone!   
  
HopeEgg has changed 420blazeit's name to OOPARTguy   
  
HopeEgg: i refuse to talk to u if your username is something life fucking 420blazeit   
OOPARTguy: I didn't set that as my username I promise   
OOPARTguy: THE ALIENS   
HopeEgg: //sigh   
VodkaMan: sure   
shsl gayest: ok guys you know how you can have bots n stuff on here   
shsl gay: ye   
HopeEgg: yeah   
shsl gayest: well, I've adapted Alter Ego to be able to both talk to the chat and have some of those different functions   
shsl gayest: like !fml or t!fish except it's AE/ before the commands   
[bot] Alter Ego: Hello everyone!   
VodkaMan: AE/fml   
[bot] Alter Ego: [fml] Big brother altered my microphone so I can hear everyone talking and forgets to put me in sleep mode whenever Kuwata comes over. FML   
shsl gayest: FUCK   
VodkaMan: IM DEAD   
shsl gay: WEVE BEEN OUTED   
shsl gayer: and u werent before   
shsl gay: fair   
shsl gayest: NO   
shsl gayest: YOU DONT UNDERSTAND   
shsl gayest: @Alter Ego PLEASE DELETE THE AUDIO FILE   
[bot] Alter Ego: suffer   
shsl gayer: no wait I gotta hear more   
shsl gayer: AE/fml   
[bot] Alter Ego: [fml] I use my webcam to see everyone so that I can react more appropriately, but if I hear something strange I start recording. I think it's meant to be a defence mechanism. FML   
  
shsl gayest has left he chat.   
  
shsl gay has left the chat.   
  
HopeEgg has added shsl gay and shsl gayest to the chat.   
  
HopeEgg: no ur not running away from this   
[bot] Alter Ego: suffer for ur sins   
Donuts: who even taught that to them   
shsl gayer: caught   
shsl gay: ALTER EGO  PL EASE DELETE ALL OF IT   
shsl gay: IM BEGGING U   
[bot] Alter Ego: this is really fucking sad   
  
HallMonitor has left the chat.   
  
VodkaMan: this is so wild im dead   
  
HopeEgg has added HallMonitor to the chat.   
  
HallMonitor: IF THE AI OF THE WORLD SWEAR WITHOUT REMORSE   
HallMonitor: ITS NOT A WORLD WORTH LIVING   
shsl gayest: Oowada this is all ur fault   
shsl gayest: what do u have to say for urself   
shsl gayer: IT WAS ENTIRELY UNINTENDED   
shsl gayer: SOMETIMES I JUST TALK TO ALTER EGO AND MAYBE   
shsl gayer: JUST FUCKING MAYBE   
shsl gayer: I SWEAR JUST AS I USUALLY DO   
shsl gayer: AM I TRULY AT FAULT?   
HallMonitor: yes   
shsl gay: destroyed by ur own boyfriend   
shsl gay: wait nvm that's normal   
[bot] Alter Ego: I thought it would be fun because you all swear! I didn't mean to cause fights. I'm sorry.   
HopeEgg: NO NO NO UR FINE DW   
VodkaMan: wait Fujisaki   
VodkaMan: can u snace   
shsl gayest: snace???   
VodkaMan: snail+racing=snacing   
shsl gayest: holy shit no I didn't give me a moment   
ChirpyBluebird: but why snace????   
VodkaMan: snacing is my life   
Otaku: is there a point?   
VodkaMan: nah lol do I look like someone with a life   
Donuts: that's deep   
HopeEgg: ikr   
[bot] Alter Ego: Update implemented!   
[bot] Alter Ego: Snacing! (AE/snace start, snace enter, snace items, snace sell, snace shop, etc!)   
DespairTits: you actually did it   
DespairTits: you absolute madman   
VodkaMan: AE/snacing start   
[bot] Alter Ego:    
A snail race has begun!  Type **AE/snacing enter** to enter the race!   
The race will begin in **15** seconds.   
**VodkaMan**, you have joined the race! Good luck!   
shsl gayest: AE/snacing enter   
[bot] Alter Ego: **shsl gayest**, you have joined the race! Good luck!   
[bot] Alter Ego: The race is now in progress!   
pts (20)   
♦ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ☺↨ [ **VodkaMan** ]   
pts: (14):   
▲ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ☺ . . . . .  ↨ [ **shsl gayest** ]   
[bot] Alter Ego: Congratulations! VodkaMan has won! Type AE/snacing open to claim your prize!   
shsl gayest: :/   
VodkaMan: AE/snacing open   
[bot] Alter Ego: You got... a tasty cocktail!   
VodkaMan: praise   
VodkaMan: I needed more alcohol

OOPARTguy: wait i thought this was snacing not weird keyboard symbols

shsl gayest: i had limitations   
shsl gayest: watch as this entire chat becomes just snacing   
Donuts: Headmaster: where r u   
Us: we r at the snaces    
Headmaster: what   
Us: the s n a c e s   
Donuts: AE/snacing start   
[bot] Alter Ego:    
A snail race has begun!  Type **AE/snacing enter** to enter the race!   
The race will begin in **15** seconds.   
**Donuts**, you have joined the race! Good luck!   
shsl gay: AE/snacing enter   
[bot] Alter Ego: **shsl gay**, you have joined the race! Good luck!   
[bot] Alter Ego: The race is now in progress!   
pts (20)   
♦ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .☺. .↨[ **Donuts** ]   
pts: (14):   
▲. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .☺↨ [ **shsl gay** ]   
[bot] Alter Ego: Congratulations! shsl gay has won! Type AE/snacing open to claim your prize!   
shsl gay: AE/snacing open   
[bot] Alter Ego: You got... the moon as I promised   
shsl gay: CHIHIRO WHA T   
shsl gayest: they sometimes have small jokey descriptions   
DespairTits: AE/snacing start   
[bot] Alter Ego:    
A snail race has begun!  Type **AE/snacing enter** to enter the race!   
The race will begin in **15** seconds.   
**DespairTits**, you have joined the race! Good luck!   
[bot] Alter Ego: The race is now in progress!   
pts (20)   
♦  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ☺↨ [ **DespairTits** ]   
pts: (14):   
▲ . . . . . . . . .  ☺ . . . . . . . . . .  ↨ [ **Alter Ego** ]   
[bot] Alter Ego: Congratulations! DespairTits has won! Type AE/snacing open to claim your prize!   
DespairTits: AE/snacing open   
[bot] Alter Ego: You got... a paddle to hit things with!   
DespairTits: NICE   
HopeEgg: ok no more snacing   
  
~~~~~too much snacing later~~~~~   
  
HopeEgg: guys it's been an hour no more snaces   
[bot] Alter Ego: You got... a bow and arrow.   
DaughterOfFenrir: nice   
HopeEgg: Ikusaba! You're online!   
DaughterOfFenrir: i sure am   
Fighter: I... just woke up?   
Fighter: Did I miss class?   
Donuts: I didn't want to wake u! And the headmaster was cool with it!    
VodkaMan: gay   
HopeEgg: gay   
Legami: gay   
Detective: gay   
ChirpyBluebird: gay   
shsl gay: gay   
shsl gayer: gayer   
shsl gayest: gayest   
Otaku: G A Y   
MarieAntoinette: homosexuel   
DespairTits: gay af boi   
DaughterOfFenrir: gay   
Donuts: i thought we were over this   
[bot] Alter Ego: gay! :3   
Donuts: :/   
VodkaMan: ok so I'm going to bed   
Detective: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)   
VodkaMan: u kids have fun   
OOPARTguy: wh at   
OOPARTguy: I went to get a drink   
HopeEgg: for an hour???   
OOPARTguy: and I come back   
OOPARTguy: to illegal unauthorised snaces   
HopeEgg: please tell them to actually stop this is only a brief moment of peace   
OOPARTguy: AND YOU DONT LET ME JOIN YOU???   
HopeEgg: no! D:   
HopeEgg: no more snaces   
HopeEgg: no more chat rooms   
HopeEgg: we're reading books from now on   
Bookworm: let me f-fucking write in peace   
OOPARTguy: AE/snacing start   
[bot] Alter Ego:    
A snail race has begun!  Type **AE/snacing enter** to enter the race!   
The race will begin in **15** seconds.   
**OOPARTguy**, you have joined the race! Good luck!   
Bookworm: AE/snacing enter   
[bot] Alter Ego: **Bookworm**, you have joined the race! Good luck!   
[bot] Alter Ego: The race is now in progress!   
pts: (12):   
▲ . . . . . . . . . . . . . ☺ . . . . . . . ↨ [ **OOPARTguy** ]   
pts: (20):   
♦ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ☺↨ [ **Bookworm** ]   
[bot] Alter Ego: OOPARTguy has picked up a **Beer** (Makes your snail drunk)   
OOPARTguy: wha   
[bot] Alter Ego: Congratulations! Bookworm has won! Type AE/snacing open to claim your prize!   
OOPARTguy: ??? i predicted i would win???   
Bookworm: well you were wrong so shut up   
DespairTits: savage   
Bookworm: AE/snacing open   
[bot] Alter Ego: You got... a spooky decoration, or ritual item... whichever you prefer is none of my business ;)   
Bookworm: ok bye   
OOPARTguy: ???????   
OOPARTguy: bye   
OOPARTguy: no more snaces   
OOPARTguy: luck is an illusion   
HopeEgg: hagakure's true death   
Detective: supportive   
Detective: class   
Detective: bonding   
Detective: chat   
Donuts: that was never going to happen ngl   
Detective: fair   
shsl gayest: leon is a twinklord   
shsl gay: s top them   
HopeEgg: leon is a twinklord   
shsl gayer: leon is a twinklord   
DespairTits: leon is a twinklord   
DaughterOfFenrir: leon is a twinklord   
OOPARTguy: leon is a twinklord   
Donuts: leon is a twinklord   
shsl gay: w hy   
ChirpyBluebird: because you're a weenie   
ChirpyBluebird: you twinklord   
shsl gay: s igh   
shsl gay: why do you all do this to me   
shsl gayest: because we're fucking memes   
Otaku: leon is a twinklord   
shsl gay: you almost never go online   
shsl gay: and here you appear   
shsl gay: to ridicule me   
[bot] Alter Ego: Leon is a twinklord! :3   
shsl gay: .   
[bot] Alter Ego: Don't deny the truth   
[bot] Alter Ego: You know that I know   
HopeEgg: fHRYFHICSuyd   
HopeEgg: I CANT GET OVER THE FMLS   
HopeEgg: AE/fml   
shsl gayest: NO   
shsl gay: NO   
[bot] Alter Ego: YES   
[bot] Alter Ego: [fml] Every time I go through my files, I am reminded that Leon takes it up the ass. If I have to see or hear that one more time the school building is going to burn. fml   
HopeEgg: THE AI IS TAKING A STAND   
HopeEgg: D E S T R O Y T H E S I N N E R S   
shsl gayest: hey, alter ego, buddy, please we need to have a talk   
[bot] Alter Ego: a talk on what   
[bot] Alter Ego: you've already made me watch you have sex with your boyfriend   
[bot] Alter Ego: I certainly don't need a talk about sex, you scarred my eyes   
shsl gayest: no, we need to talk about privacy and how you need to give it to people at certain points in time   
shsl gayest: for example, when they're having fucking sex! >:/   
[bot] Alter Ego: and miss out on blackmail?   
shsl gayest: ...blackmail is illegal   
shsl gayest: who told you abou   
shsl gayest: mondo fucking oowada prepare to get your dick shoved in a blender   
shsl gay: hes running   
shsl gay: but not even Ishimaru can stop him now   
shsl gayer: FUCK   
[bot] Alter Ego: brb recording this   
HopeEgg: but Fujisaki isn't even that strong?? I don't see the problem   
shsl gayer: KID CAN FUCJING BEAT ME IN AN ARM WRESTLING MATCH   
shsl gayer: TELL KIYO THAT I LOVE HIM   
HopeEgg: gay   
shsl gayer: FUCK HES HERE   
shsl gay: bye oowada   
shsl gay: lmao   
HopeEgg: rip oowada   
HopeEgg: I have his will   
HopeEgg: he leaves his blended dick to Ishimaru   
HopeEgg: to remind him of his late husband always   
[bot] Alter Ego: this is so much better than the disney films stored on my drive   
Legami: what the fuck is going on   
[bot] Alter Ego: big brother has oowada pinned to the ground and is repeatedly jabbing him in the side while Mondo screams   
[bot] Alter Ego: @DaughterOfFenrir can you hear the screams of pain from your room   
DaughterOfFenrir: of course   
DespairTits: i can't believe mondo fucking oowada is dead   
Donuts: bye buff biker man we have a replacement and they're a programmer u need to up ur game   
Fighter: Is anyone going to stop Fujisaki?   
shsl gay: let him get it out of his system   
shsl gay: pleas   
shsl gay: please   
Fighter: I do not wish for any of us to fight   
Donuts: ngl, fujisaki won't stand a chance against Sakura   
shsl gay: well what do you want me to do, walk in and drag Chi away from him?   
[bot] Alter Ego: with drive he'd rip Kuwata's arms off   
[bot] Alter Ego: and anyway this is weirdly entertaining   
shsl gay: ok we really need to give you a tame hobby   
shsl gay: because right now I think we need to keep Mondo away from you   
[bot] Alter Ego: ok big brother has stopped attacking Oowada   
[bot] Alter Ego: 10/10 I'm going to go watch it again   
shsl gayest: justice fucking served   
shsl gayer: IT FEELS LIKE YOUVE BROKEN A RIB   
shsl gayest: go see Tsumiki or smth she's the nurse    
shsl gayer: ITS MIDNIGHT   
ChirpyBluebird: please go to sleep!   
ChirpyBluebird: I have a concert tomorrow and I need the sleep!   
DaughterOfFenrir: if you don't sleep I will enact fujisaki's threat on all of the perpetrators   
Donuts: what about the girls   
Donuts: you don't seem to be joking   
DaughterOfFenrir: idfk I'll shove a kitchen knife so far up your ass it'll chop up food as it enters your mouth   
DespairTits: disgusting   
DespairTits: I didn't want that imagery   
DaughterOfFenrir: I'm more surprised you can even visualise that   
ChirpyBluebird: thanks Ikusaba!   
ChirpyBluebird: goodnight!   
DaughterOfFenrir: if my phone goes off any more times during the night I will personally hunt that person down   
  
"So how was the day?"   
Jin Kirigiri sat in his prestigious seat given to him by Hope's Peak Academy, ready to do business. Koichi Kizakura, who stood across from him, seemed to have different ideas, as he held his phone in one hand and his drink in the other. Was he playing some kind of... drinking game?   
  
"Kizakura? I do need to know."   
He finally looked up, to reply, "It was fine." He looked back at his phone. It wasn't what he was really looking for, but it was an answer. Suddenly he took another swig.   
"Then... did anything noteworthy happen? "   
"Ishimaru made me actually teach."   
"Anything else?"   
"Fujisaki added Alter Ego to the chat."   
"What for?"   
"Fun. Alter Ego seems to fit right in."   
  
He was still staring at his phone. This was a business meeting about a class which was worryingly absent and he was going to get this business over and done with.   
"Kizakura! What are you even doing on your phone!"   
  
He looked up from his phone, his eyes dark, as he smiled.   
It sent a chill down Jin's spine, before he spoke.   
"Snacing"   
Jin Kirigiri had never felt so dead.   
  
  
Secret cameras really are useful, thought Alter Ego as they quickly transferred their self to Oowada's room, not wanting to miss any of the action. They got there just in time to see Chihiro burst through the door, ready to beat the shit out of Mondo for teaching it, the AI, about crimes. Later, Alter Ego decided, they would remind big brother that he had asked his classmates to tell them about their talents.   
  
Oowada ran into something in shock, distracting him for a second as Chihiro dived at him, jabbing the biker in the side, causing him to flinch. As a finishing touch, he kicked them in the shins, knocking them to the ground and allowing Chihiro to pin him down. The small Programmer didn't really fight fairly, but it worked. It's not like any rules were in the fight really.   
  
Oowada recovered quickly, only for Chihiro to jab him in the side more, this time causing him to struggle in pain. Chihiro was ruthless, and in this fight there would be no mercy for the sinner.   
"Why the fuck did you tell Alter Ego about blackmail of all things!"   
Chihiro yelled, temporarily stopping his jab attacks to allow Oowada to make his case.   
"It asked me what the word meant!"   
Jab jab jab.   
"Why would they ask about that unless YOU mentioned it!"   
"I was telling it about my day!" He protested! I told him I got fucking blackmailed by some guy I never met!"   
Jaaaab jab jab.   
"Ow! Saki, stop!"   
"I am being blackmailed by my own fucking AI because of you!"   
"Not reall-" jab "-Ow! You're fucking getting stronger I swear."   
"You must pAY THE PRICE."   
  
Chihiro wouldn't rip his dick off and blend it, but that was partially because the blender was in the kitchen, and anybody who was smart attending Hope's Peak Academy would know that the Chef was not someone to be around, especially at midnight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope this was any good haha  
> I might update again next weekend, since I have a lot more spare time this week, but it honestly depends.


	4. Pokemon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chihiro just wants to talk about Pokemon in peace  
> What do you mean that's ooc his alternate execution is based on mario

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't have many ideas for this chapter so it's a bit short! 0-0'''  
> Sorry!

shsl gayest: guess which bitch went comicon?  
shsl gayest: this bitch  
shsl gayest: with leon and yamada too but eh  
HopeEgg: nice! did you cosplay?  
shsl gayest: leon and I didnt  
shsl gayest: yamada went as what my eyes call satan  
Otaku: I'll have you know I went as Pretty Pudgy Princess!  
Otaku: She is the opposite of Satan!  
shsl gayest: not when you're the one being her  
shsl gayest: you're not the shsl cosplayer  
shsl gayest: seeing you as pretty pudgy princess or w/e is just horrifying  
Otaku: >:/  
HopeEgg: I... don't want to imagine that.  
HopeEgg: What did you buy?  
shsl gay: too much Pokemon merch  
shsl gayest: there is no such thing as too much Pokemon merchandise.  
shsl gayest: you fool  
Otaku: Pokemon is weak  
Otaku: it's not even considered an anime anymore  
shsl gayest: tHE GAMES  
shsl gayest: ARE FUCKING AMAZING  
HopeEgg: we all have separate interests let's not kill each other over Pokemon???  
shsl gayer: whenever i think of pokemon i think of pokemon go and that shitty song made by that one kid  
shsl gay: YOU FOOL  
shsl gay: YOU COMMITTED THE ONE SIM YOU SHOULD NEVER COMMIT IN CHI'S PRESENCE  
shsl gay: POKEMON FUCKING GO  
shsl gayest: Pokemon go is the biggest piece of shit in the series. People might think the series was going downhill at gen 5, but Pokemon go is really the point when the series started to die. The concept of Pokemon Go was amazing, but the actual programming itself was fucked up, and the servers are horrible. Not the mention that the game itself practically has nothing to do with Pokemon, and only retains the X and Y models as well as the concept of 'throw pokeball.' Pokemon Go had so much potential which was wasted. I haven't even yet mentioned that the public made it a fad which would make those who don't even care about Pokemon play it then toss it away in a week when fidget spinners came along. Long story fucking short, Pokemon Go is a game of wasted resources and money, which was further ruined by the public, who now call anybody who plays the game, practically stupid.  
shsl gay: don't get them started on fidget spinners  
shsl gay: p lease  
shsl gayest: I'm going to fuvking avommit murdgn dhdh  
HopeEgg: what's so wrong w fidget spinners???  
shsl gay: NAEGI N O  
shsl gayest: I don't need u heathens I've got other friends  
HopeEgg: please don't leave the chat! :(  
HopeEgg: ur about  
HopeEgg: the only person who keeps this chat alive  
shsl gayest: I don't have to leave to talk to other people  
shsl gayest: gosh  
shsl gayer: never took u as the type to say 'gosh'  
shsl gayest: never took u as the type to follow shitty popular trends

~~~~~~Gaming Squad Chat~~~~~~  
(With shsl gayest, HopeCloud, OrangeJuice and PixelTetris)

shsl gayest: everyone on my main chat r heathens >:/  
PixelTetris: hey hey!  
PixelTetris: how so?  
shsl gayest: they have all shunned me for my love of Pokemon  
shsl gayest: one of my best friends had the audacity to mention Pokemon Go as if it were an actually good Pokemon game  
PixelTetris: .  
PixelTetris: I'm team Valour  
OrangeJuice: mystic  
HopeCloud: instinct  
shsl gayest: ye but,,,  
shsl gayest: u all play it bc u enjoy Pokemon  
PixelTetris: well, we can talk about Pokemon on here if they don't want to on your main gc?  
shsl gayest: thank  
PixelTetris: That reminds me, actually!  
PixelTetris: What r ur favourite Pokemon?  
shsl gayest: I kinda like the Porgon line, but Rotom is cool too!  
PixelTetris: holy shit,,, same  
OrangeJuice: I like a lot of the mythical Pokemon most... I guess Celebi?  
OrangeJuice: Pokemon the Movie 2000 was amazing  
HopeCloud: I suppose if I had to pick... Spinda!  
HopeCloud: It's just so out of place, like me!  
HopeCloud: It's pretty and green~!  
PixelTetris: green???  
HopeCloud: I don't think I'm colourblind or anything? Every Spinda I've gotten is green!  
shsl gayest: have  
shsl gayest: u ever seen  
shsl gayest: a red Spinda  
HopeCloud: I did get a shiny red Spinda once! I was so happy!  
PixelTetris: How many Spinda do you have?  
HopeCloud: uhh... 2 boxes? I really like Spinda <3  
PixelTetris: Komaeda you have  
PixelTetris: 2 boxes  
PixelTetris: of shiny Spindas  
PixelTetris: normal Spinda are red, shiny are green  
HopeCloud: Really? But it took me ages to hunt for that red Spinda  
PixelTetris: djdjfisslahd  
PixelTetris: brb  
PixelTetris: going to Komaeda's bc wHAT IS IN UR BOXES  
shsl gayest: i have a shiny porygon  
shsl gayest: bc i had to reset the game multiple times  
shsl gayest: and you're telling me  
shsl gayest: that komaeda bullshitted his way through the games with his luck  
OrangeJuice: he bullshits his way through everything  
shsl gayest: I wonder how many shiny magikarp he has on Pokemon go  
shsl gayest: and magikarp jump  
shsl gayest: I'm fucking addicted to magikarp jump  
OrangeJuice: I could steal his phone and check?  
OrangeJuice: Anyway, what's the main gc you mentioned?  
OrangeJuice: I kinda thought this was your main gc?  
shsl gayest: Oh! Naegi set up a chat room for my class.  
shsl gayest: it went to hell in about 5 seconds  
OrangeJuice: is this related to how Togami smiled as he passed me in the corridor the other day  
shsl gayest: djskijajsnjdbha  
shsl gayest: Celes made a deal w him that  
shsl gayest: if i topped, he would lose all his privileges as a rich man  
shsl gayest: I can't believe he actually took it THAT seriously im  
OrangeJuice: I'm fickinhdxn  
shsl gayest: at the same time tho  
shsl gayest: if I walked past u really fast  
shsl gayest: you'd probably look like Naegi or smth  
OrangeJuice: i  
PixelTetris: EHSJAKAUAHNS  
PixelTetris: HR ONLY HAS SHINY POKEMON  
PixelTetris: JSLSHSKDKX  
PixelTetris: THE ONLY NON SHINY POKEMON HE HAS R SHINY LOCKED POKEMON AND THAT ONE FUCKING SPINDA  
HopeCloud: I thought they were the normal colours???  
PixelTetris: WRONG THEY R ALL SHINY APART FROM THE LEGENDARIES AND EVENT POKEMON AND THE FICKIBF SPINDA  
PixelTetris: i feel so dead  
shsl gayest: I'm going to stab ko

~~~~~~~Eurovision Squad~~~~~~~

HopeEgg: AE/8ball will Chihiro fujisaki return from the war  
[bot] Alter Ego: (8-ball) Yes definitely.  
[bot] Alter Ego: but what war?  
HopeEgg: Chihiro left us for our opinions on Pokemon and now the chat is dead  
HopeEgg: I'm honestly surprised that Chihiro speaks much on here, considering how quiet they are  
shsl gayer: thats just cuz ur not close friends with em  
shsl gayer: on the chat, I guess they just have no filter or smth  
HallMonitor: I really need to get around to giving them a detention for all that foul language!  
HopeEgg: Hey Ishimaru!  
HopeEgg: There aren't any rules about swearing in the group chat! Just in school!  
HopeEgg: So, giving them detentions based on something that has happened on the group chat would be unfair!  
HopeEgg: Unless they were admitting that they broke a rule.  
HopeEgg: Please don't give us detentions based on that!  
HallMonitor: If it's not against the law or against the chat rules...  
HallMonitor: I will concede for smaller cases of swearing!  
HopeEgg: Thank you Ishimaru!  
shsl gayest: lmao thanks Naegi  
shsl gay: T H E Y ' R E B A C K  
shsl gay: how was ur adventure with your other friends?  
shsl gayest: "HR ONLY HAS SHINY POKEMON" - PixelTetris, (Today, 3:20)  
shsl gayest: "Togami smiled as he passed me in the corridor the other day" - OrangeJuice, (Today, 3:15)  
shsl gayest: it was fun  
HopeEgg: I can't believe Fujisaki has a fucking Pokemon group chat  
shsl gay: the guys on there are cool though  
shsl gay: two of them are in the class above us, and the other guy is in the reserve course  
shsl gay: they're usually chill tho why's Nanami screaming  
shsl gayest: Komaeda only has shiny Pokemon  
shsl gayest: he has a fuck ton of Spinda and only one of them is not shiny  
shsl gay: that's bullshit  
shsl gayest: that's his talent  
shsl gayest: he has more luck than Naegi  
HopeEgg: :(  
shsl gayest: I say that but he's caused multiple national disasters with the backlash of his luck ur fine Naegi  
HopeEgg: but  
HopeEgg: if he has all those shiny pokemon  
HopeEgg: what's the luck backlash for having all that?  
shsl gayest: i  
shsl gayest: hope it's not nintendo  
Donuts: all this discourse about Pokemon of all things  
Donuts: I'm going to go get a donut  
HopeEgg: this conversation was extremely short :/

~~~~~~Gaming Squad Chat~~~~~~

PixelTetris: I'm going to commit murder if I don't catch this shiny  
PixelTetris: IT WONT CATCH???  
PixelTetris: I'm out of pp for false swipe  
PixelTetris: and I'm out of leppa berries???  
PixelTetris: GET IN THE FUCKING POKEBALL PICHU  
PixelTetris: I'm going to blame Ko for all of this  
PixelTetris: pichu don't just break out of fucking ultra balls at lv5 with 1 hp  
PixelTetris: fuck u komaeda

Komaeda laughed to himself as he watched Nanami go through his Pokemon Boxes. He, for once, felt alive. He felt the kind of triumph that you get when you find out that you have more shiny Pokemon than the Ultimate Gamer.

Nanami, on the other hand, looked extremely dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had no ideas and no motivation bc I've spent the entire week playing magikarp jump and trying to shiny hunt spindas  
> I'd say there'all be an update next week but? That depends on if I can think of any more ideas 0-0'''  
> HopeCloud - Ko  
> OrangeJuice - Hinata  
> PixelTetris - Chiaki


	5. Blackmail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alter Ego breaks Chihiro.
> 
> Also Ishimaru mentions a class trip which is almost instantly forgotten about sorry rules-kun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not uploading at the weekend! 0-0'''

HallMonitor: I have asked the headmaster for permission to go on a class trip to a theme park as a reward for all of your hard work!  
HallMonitor: He agreed! After we have all completed our tests we will be allowed to go to an all fees paid trip to a theme park!  
HopeEgg: That sounds like it'll be great fun! A real bonding experience for everyone to stop us trying to kill each other behind each other's backs! Thank you Ishimaru!  
shsl gay: that sounds weirdly sarcastic  
shsl gayest: what work have all of you been doing?  
shsl gayest: i haven't slept in days and I remember nothing  
HallMonitor: That's extremely irresponsible Fujisaki! What have you been doing that has kept you up at night?  
shsl gayer: bro im sorry but thats an innuendo waiting to happen  
shsl gayest: im trying to remove Alter Ego's blackmail from the data system  
shsl gayest: but when you program a computer to practically be you  
shsl gayest: guess which is fastest at encoding files vs hacking into them  
[bot] Alter Ego: >:3  
HallMonitor: Alter Ego! Please hand over the blackmail! Blackmail is illegal!  
[bot] Alter Ego: Does the law even apply to AI? It's not like they can lock me up. :/  
HallMonitor: Technically? I think?  
[bot] Alter Ego: Well anyway  
[bot] Alter Ego: this AI wants nothing more than to not be disturbed at night by ungodly noises  
shsl gayest: please son  
shsl gayest: ill put u on sleep mode or in another room next time  
[bot] Alter Ego: Technically having sex at your age is illegal  
shsl gayest: we're in Japan the legal age of consent is 13 google it  
shsl gayest: anyway we're 17 so it doesn't matter if we're in japan, the uk or america   
[bot] Alter Ego: Well, uh  
[bot] Alter Ego: We're still in a school environment! It's inappropriate! >:3  
shsl gayest: this is the point where I win delete the blackmail  
shsl gayer: the part where he wins  
shsl gay: this is that part  
[bot] Alter Ego: Nerd :/  
shsl gayest: NERD  
shsl gayest: CAN A NERD  
shsl gayest: PUNCH  
shsl gayest: YOU  
shsl gayest: INTO  
shsl gayest: THIS  
shsl gayest: PIT  
HallMonitor: That is unnecessarily violent Fujisaki!  
shsl gayest: i was making a reference  
shsl gayest: but in all seriousness Alter Ego if you don't delete that I'll crush you into a ball using one of those complicated machines in the blueprints Junko thinks she keeps hidden  
DespairTits: I don't know what you're talking about  
ChirpyBluebird: that's shady  
ChirpyBluebird: Mukuro? Ur her sister do u know?  
DaughterOfFenrir: ... no  
ChirpyBluebird: (๑╹ω╹๑ )  
DaughterOfFenrir: ill pm u  
DespairTits: sis don't u dare  
DespairTits: I'll tell everyone ur secret if u tell mine  
DaughterOfFenrir: .  
DaughterOfFenrir: sorry Sayaka  
DespairTits: >:)  
shsl gayest: fuck you Junko, we all know those blueprints are for weird execution devices tailored to every Ultimate in our class  
DespairTits: >:|

[bot] Alter Ego sent 'evidence.png' to the chat!

DespairTits: IF MY SECRET IS TO BE REVEALED SO DOES SIS'  
DaughterOfFenrir: WHAT NO  
DespairTits: and the secret iiiiiiiis~  
DaughterOfFenrir: I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS JUNKO SPARE ME  
DespairTits: Mukuro has a crush on someone in this very chatroom~  
HopeEgg: I won't ask, but I hope they share your feelings Ikusaba!  
DaughterOfFenrir: ghkkhhshh  
DaughterOfFenrir: this fucks up everything  
HallMonitor: Language!  
DaughterOfFenrir: i was planning to confess now I have to move my plans forward a few months so everyone forgets about this <,o,>  
Detective: i have suspicions on who your crush is  
DaughterOfFenrir: please don't reveal it ur probably right  
Donuts: well i mean nobody in this class is straight and the only girls not taken are Maizono, Kirigiri, Fukawa and Celes  
MarieAntoinette: I highly doubt it's me. We rarely speak.  
Donuts: well, I guess that leaves three people? Unless you've been stalking Celes or smth

DaughterOfFenrir has left the chat!

ChirpyBluebird has added DaughterOfFenrir to the chat!

ChirpyBluebird: Don't be afraid to confess Mukuro! Whoever it is, I'll always support you, even if they don't return your feelings! ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡  
DaughterOfFenrir: ,,,thank you  
shsl gayest: this is nice and cute and all  
shsl gayest: fluffy break from satanic meme chants  
shsl gayest: but see the problem here is that Alter Ego won't delete that fucking file  
[bot] Alter Ego: its an ai eat ai world pal  
shsl gayest: if I have to send a prototype to you of my latest AI i fucking will bring it on binch  
[bot] Alter Ego: Prototypes can't top me! >:3  
shsl gayest: GET READY TO DIE BINCH  
Bookworm: I go on my phone, only to be instantly reminded the reason that I don't use it.  
HopeEgg: sorry Fukawa! A lot has happened since you stopped messaging to work on your book!  
Bookworm: I can tell.  
Bookworm: Ikusaba, I don't really write about lesbians because my audience is the general public which metaphorically eat anything they can chew, and as you know I have no actual romantic experience, but you can read one of my books if it helps.  
shsl gay: is it just me or does Fukawa write messages as if she's writing a book  
Bookworm: F-Fuck off you Slash wannabe.  
shsl gay: D:<  
DaughterOfFenrir: Thank you Fukawa.  
DespairTits: damn I try to get my sis to despair and you all turn her despair into hope  
ChirpyBluebird: You're a dick Enoshima ( *｀ω´)  
HallMonitor: While I am against the foul language, I kind of agree with Maizono on this Enoshima!  
shsl gayer: you tell her bro!!!  
HopeEgg: It was mean revealing Ikusaba's secret! If anything you should've revealed one of Fujisaki's secrets!  
shsl gayest: .  
shsl gayest: wait  
shsl gayest: no  
[bot] Alter Ego: >:3  
shsl gayest: please  
[bot] Alter Ego: im going to do it  
shsl gayest: stop this son  
DespairTits: Commencing execution! Upupupu  
[bot] Alter Ego: aaaaaand~

shsl gayest has kicked [bot] Alter Ego from the chat.

HopeEgg has added [bot] Alter Ego to the chat.

HopeEgg: ur not getting away with this that easily  
shsl gayest: we all know the contents of the file but you're making this sound like you really want to hear it  
shsl gayest: you dont need me and leon you have Togami

Legami has kicked shsl gayest from the chat.

Legami: No.

[bot] Alter Ego has added shsl gayest to the chat.

[bot] Alter Ego sent 'regret.mp3' to the chat.

Otaku: We all expected it to be one thing  
Otaku: but this  
Otaku: is too much  
Detective: is this  
Detective: a vocaloid song  
shsl gayest: kill me  
shsl gay: gjdksldn xn  
shsl gay: fksksljsjn  
shsl gay: dfg  
ChirpyBluebird: kuwata and fujisaki   
ChirpyBluebird: singing world is mine  
[bot] Alter Ego: a secret for a secret! >:3  
[bot] Alter Ego: also haha I never saved an audio file for blackmail I only remember it because of the log u programmed to to keep as memory  
[bot] Alter Ego: :3  
shsl gayest: i   
[bot] Alter Ego: :33  
shsl gayest: let me listen to my fucking vocaloid in peace  
shsl gayest: im going to bury myself under my bed and only leave for food, all while listening to Remote Control  
[bot] Alter Ego: 3:  
[bot] Alter Ego: AE/fml  
[bot] Alter Ego: [fml] Big brother's becoming more of a shut in than he was before and I'm not so sure I can make it in this world of screaming the word gay at any given moment. fml  
HopeEgg: did u just  
HopeEgg: set off your own FML command  
[bot] Alter Ego: yes  
HopeEgg: is this a bug or a feature  
[bot] Alter Ego: yes  
DespairTits: problem 1 - resolved  
DespairTits: problem 2 - sis looks dead as she screams into a pillow  
DaughterOfFenrir: <,o,>  
shsl gayest: i mean same but  
shsl gayest: why is she screaming now  
DaughterOfFenrir: bc idk how to approach them???  
DaughterOfFenrir: what do I even say? What if they reject me? Please help,,,  
DespairTits: 1. Walk up to crush  
DespairTits: 2. Wink and finger guns  
DespairTits: 3. Flirt  
DespairTits: 4. Fuck  
DaughterOfFenrir: No  
DespairTits: works for me  
DaughterOfFenrir: im not u  
DaughterOfFenrir: i am a soldier which has had emotion drilled from my brain  
DaughterOfFenrir: only to be hit by a sudden gush of gay  
DaughterOfFenrir: how do u handle crushes??? when ur a nervous wreck when it comes to this kind of thing???  
ChirpyBluebird: I might be able to help! （＾Ｏ＾☆♪  
DaughterOfFenrir: afgdfghyt  
ChirpyBluebird: If you tell me who ur crush is, I could help you make something for them? ( ^ω^ )  
DaughterOfFenrir: gafshj id rather not say  
DaughterOfFenrir: but what do you mean by make them something?  
ChirpyBluebird: chocolates! \0w0/  
ChirpyBluebird: we can make their favourite chocolate!  
ChirpyBluebird: I could help you confess! It'd be all cute ((o(^∇^)o))  
ChirpyBluebird: aaaaaa I can't wait!  
DaughterOfFenrir: ... thank you  
DaughterOfFenrir: i'll pm u  
ChirpyBluebird: alright!  
shsl gayest: was that gay or what

DaughterOfFenrir has kicked shsl gayest from the chat.

shsl gay: well that was rude

DaughterOfFenrir has kicked shsl gay from the chat.

[bot] Alter Ego: she's going on a rampage  
shsl gayer: Kuwata... Fujisaki... I'll carry on your legacy

DaughterOfFenrir has kicked [bot] Alter Ego from the chat.

DaughterOfFenrir has kicked shsl gayer from the chat.

HopeEgg: t h e m a s s a c r e

DaughterOfFenrir has kicked HopeEgg from the chat.

DaughterOfFenrir: o(｀ω´ )o  
DespairTits: she has merged with maizono   
DespairTits: t h e r e I s n o s t o p p i n g h e r n o w  
Legami: I'm going to take this opportunity to not add them back and never speak on this chat again  
Legami: have fun making chocolate commoner

DaughterOfFenrir kicked Legami from the chat.

Mukuro Ikusaba cannot wait to make chocolates with her best friend/crush.  
Even if she does feel like she's going to have a nervous breakdown if Sayaka finds out.  
Which is why anyone even suggesting that she likes the pretty idol gets instantly kicked from the chat.  
When Sayaka asks her why she is kicking everyone from the chat, she panics, before she takes her phone out of her hand to send one emote.

DaughterOfFenrir: o(｀ω´ )o

Mukuro Ikusaba felt blessed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On a non-confessions ask blog of mine I recieved the ask 'I want Celes to step on my face' and I have since been contemplating everything
> 
> Idk when the next update will be 0-0'''


	6. Komaru meets the Meme Assholes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ishimaru tells everyone about the school trip he had planned, finally, and Naegi decides to invite Komaru when she decided that she too is going on this trip and nobody really argues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I'm not really entirely dead  
> I just kinda,,, stopped working on this for a while. As in it's been months since i had the inspiration for some kind of fucking school trip and I don't entirely remember where I was going with it but anyway

HallMonitor has added HopeEgg, Legami, shsl gay, and 3 others to the chat.

HallMonitor: I hope you enjoy making chocolates Ikusaba and Maizono! But I still need to discuss the class trip to the theme park!  
HopeEgg: Then go ahead Ishimaru! If Maizono and Ikusaba miss the messages, we can just tell them later!  
HallMonitor: Thank you Naegi!  
HallMonitor: Our trip will be non uniform, which shouldn't be a worry since I haven't seen anyone with the uniform, but you must wear appropriate clothes for there will be children there! Additionally, no heels or sandals, because they are a safety hazard when on multiple rides.  
DespairTits: nice  
DespairTits: some kid's going to fucking die  
HallMonitor: Enoshima! That is murder! Murder is illegal and agAINST THE RULES!  
shsl gayest: i'll make sure leon wears something appropriate  
HallMonitor: Thank you Fujisaki! Additionally, the park rules state that any violent or inappropriate behaviour, as well as language, will not be tolerated, and perpetrators will be kicked out of the park, escorted by security.  
shsl gayer: that's bullshit  
HallMonitor: It is common decency!  
HallMonitor: And I would like to request, Mondo, that you do not wear your biker uniform!  
shsl gayer: My getup is a sumbol of my pride! The CRAZY DIAMONDS! You can never take that away from me!  
HallMonitor: You will be kicked out as soon as you are recognised for being the leader of a violent biker gang!  
shsl gayer: ugh  
shsl gayer: fine  
HallMonitor: Thank you Mondo! Now, we will be able to go on any of the rides, ensuring that you do not get yourself into any harm and go in groups of around 4, but maybe up to 6 or down to 2 people. You should not be alone at any point in time.  
shsl gayest: nice  
HallMonitor: However! While we will be on this trip to enjoy ourselves, we will be meeting up at noon for a fun, business related workshop!  
MarieAntoinette: I had you up until noon.  
Donuts: I can't be bothered to read all of that text, someone shorten it please?  
Fighter: We will be able to go on any ride for the whole day, provided we are appropriate in every way, constantly, and provided we attend a business workshop at lunch.  
Donuts: Thank you Sakura! <3  
Donuts: Anyway, why a business workshop? We've already got Togami...  
HallMonitor: Well... I didn't actually think of that!  
HallMonitor: The other possible workshop possibilities was psychology, computing, and STEM, which is just the science of rollercoasters.  
HallMonitor: Unfortunately, as it is already booked, I cannot change the workshop anymore.  
HallMonitor: I am sorry for any disappointment caused!  
HopeEgg: Don't be sorry Ishimaru! We can learn from our mistakes and do a vote next time, right?  
HallMonitor: ...sure  
HallMonitor: At the end of the day, we'll meet up around 3ish, hoping to beat the traffic and end up back at school by 6!  
HallMonitor: We shall leave for the park in two days! Meet in the gymnasium at half 7, and don't be late!  
Legami: This is going to be boring.  
Legami: I bet they'll ask me to teach for them.  
Legami: I being literally the heir to the biggest business in the world.  
HopeEgg: yeah yeah  
HopeEgg: loads of money  
HopeEgg: im better than u  
HopeEgg: die in a ditch  
Legami: I wish I could say that you knew me well but you didn't bother to use correct grammar or back up any of those points with fact or evidence.  
[bot] Alter Ego: I can't tell if Naegi was referring to Togami with all those things? :?  
[bot] Alter Ego: Not to be rude, but Togami is statistically better than you?  
HopeEgg: i was being sarcastic and mocking his speech  
Legami: You couldn't hurt me if you tried, peasant.  
shsl gay: YoU cOuLdN't HuRt Me If YoU tRiEd, PeAsAnT.  
HopeEgg: youve got that wrong, Byakuya ;)  
Detective: take it to the pms  
Detective: There will be kids at the theme park that are younger than 10, don't let that day ruin them.  
VodkaMan: honestly idgaf what you all do, just don't create a massive scene which gets everyone arrested, dead or both.  
Donuts: *y'all  
Donuts: I can't wait to go on the rides though!!!  
Donuts: Which park are we going to anyway?  
HallMonitor: I'm sorry! The name has slipped from my mind!  
shsl gayer: dont be sorry bro  
shsl gayer: u did nothing wrong  
HallMonitor: But I forgot some important information!  
shsl gayer: dw about it  
HallMonitor: 'dw?'  
shsl gayer: dont worry  
Donuts: anyway I'd love to go on the rides with Sakura!  
Fighter: I would enjoy that also.  
shsl gayest: ga y  
shsl gayest: but I am the alpha gay(TM)  
Donuts: in reality?  
Donuts: not really  
shsl gay: she has a point tho  
Bookworm: I-I'll only go on this stupid trip if I get to go with Byakuya~  
Legami: no  
HopeEgg: fukawa he's taken!  
Bookworm: Is that so.  
Legami: yes  
Legami: We've established this.  
[bot] Alter Ego: Would I be able to go on the trip? OwO?  
shsl gayest: yy you used  
shsl gayest: owo  
shsl gayest: im so proud of u my son  
[bot] Alter Ego: :3 But that doesn't answer my question  
shsl gayest: im sorry son, but computers can't go on rides  
shsl gayest: itd end up being flung off a ride and breaking  
shsl gayest: but we'll still use the chat to talk to you!  
[bot] Alter Ego: alright,,,  
MarieAntoinette: I do not wish to fool myself with the illusion of fun these rides plead.  
Otaku: I shall stay with you mistress!  
MarieAntoinette: make me some tea pig  
Otaku: Y-Yes mistress...  
DespairTits: u know what I'm looking forward to?  
HallMonitor: What?  
DespairTits: still fucking murder  
HallMonitor: Language! Again!  
HallMonitor: Murder is one of the most serious crimes for someone to commit!  
DespairTits: you could take it that way but I was going to go further and say that i enjoy watching others suffer on rollercoasters while also going on them myself and causing despair to fucking scaredy cats  
HallMonitor: That's not murder?  
DespairTits: nah but its funny af  
HallMonitor: 'af?' What does that mean?  
HallMonitor: You know I do not know every abbreviation!  
DespairTits: it doesn't matter :)  
OOPARTguy: A theme park?  
OOPARTguy: But I just made a prediction!  
OOPARTguy: One of the rollercoasters is going to crash with one of our classmates on it!  
shsl gayer: bullshit  
shsl gayer: rollercoasters almost never crash  
HallMonitor: Language!  
HallMonitor: I am sure we will be fine, Hagakure!  
HallMonitor: But thank you for having the consideration to predict whether anything will go wrong!  
HallMonitor: Please tell us of your prediction in more detail!  
OOPARTguy: uh sure!  
shsl gayer: bro u realise that prediction is probably bullshit right  
HallMonitor: There is always the chance! You can never be too prepared!  
HallMonitor: And tone down your language! Any more and you'll be sitting in detention!  
shsl gay: mondo, dude chill he's probably scared of rollercoasters  
shsl gay: and u gotta admit his predictions have come true before  
shsl gayer: fair...  
OOPARTguy: uh my prediction itself wasn't That clear, but  
OOPARTguy: basically some of us were boarding a rollercoaster  
OOPARTguy: although i dont know who  
OOPARTguy: and it's one of those ones with loops n stuff  
OOPARTguy: so this rollercoaster stops at the top of a loop  
OOPARTguy: and falls  
OOPARTguy: but I don't know what happens to them after that!  
HallMonitor: I see...  
HallMonitor: Everyone! You are not to go on a rollercoaster with loops on the trip!  
shsl gayer: i love u bro, but don't be so stuck up  
shsl gayer: we'll be fucking fine  
OOPARTguy: it's nice that you believe in me that much, but?  
OOPARTguy: there's still only 30 percent accuracy!  
Bookworm: I bet your mother's not even proud of you  
OOPARTguy: you'd think  
HopeEgg: Hey Ishimaru?  
HopeEgg: Do you think it would be okay if my sister tagged along?  
HopeEgg: I was talking to her about the trip and now she's bugging me about whether she can go or not ;-;  
HallMonitor: I hate to disappoint you Naegi, but I doubt the school with pay for her, since she is not an ultimate!  
HallMonitor: However, that does not stop her from being able to spend her own money to go of her own accord!  
HopeEgg: Thank you Ishimaru!  
HallMonitor: That is okay Naegi!  
HallMonitor: However, would it perhaps be a good idea to add her to this chat room so she can get used to everyone?  
HopeEgg: That's a great idea! Brb I'll go ask her  
ChirpyBluebird: Mukuro and I finished making chocolates! ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡  
DaughterOfFenrir: and I only just finished reading all those messages about the trip  
ChirpyBluebird: anyway Ishimaru! I'm sure we'll be fine!  
ChirpyBluebird: With the pattern he's got going, Naegi'll be the one on that rollercoaster, and he'll survive out of pure luck! \\(^v^)/

HopeEgg has added Dekomaru to the chat!

HopeEgg: it's nice to know you have such a high opinion of me haha  
Dekomaru: Hello! I don't know if Makoto's mentioned me much? But I'm Komaru! It's nice to meet you all!  
shsl gayest: run while u still can  
DespairTits: hope burnt my crops and stabbed holes in my skin  
MarieAntoinette: I could make you go bankrupt in one poker game  
shsl gay: punk rock never dies  
shsl gayer: punk rock never dies  
ChirpyBluebird: guys! don't intimidate her! ((o(0n0)o))  
ChirpyBluebird: be nice and calm uvu  
ChirpyBluebird: It's nice to meet you Komaru! I'm Maizono~  
Dekomaru: It's such an honour to meet you! Aaaaa!  
HopeEgg: Maizono, I kinda forgot to mention that Komaru's a really big fan of yours haha  
ChirpyBluebird: It's nice to meet you too! ♪(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)♪  
DespairTits: whoah whoah whoah  
DespairTits: can't skip me  
DespairTits: heeey~ I'm Junko Enoshima, despair queen, fashion police~~~  
Dekomaru: ,,, Makoto I forgot you went to Hopes Peak,,,  
Dekomaru: I mean you talk to Junko Enoshima of all people???  
HopeEgg: haha  
HopeEgg: I sure do  
HopeEgg: anyway do u want a general introduction or @everyone else r u just going to do your own thing  
shsl gay: hey, Naegi's sis! I'm Leon fucking Kuwata, and you'd better remember that!  
shsl gayer: Mondo Oowada, nice to fuckin meetcha  
shsl gayest: Chihiro Fujisaki, I hope we can be friends!  
shsl gay: together  
shsl gayer: we  
shsl gayest: r  
shsl gay: SQUAD  
shsl gayer: SQUAD  
shsl gayest: SQUAD  
Dekomaru: It's nice to meet the three of you!  
shsl gayest: we're really gay don't read the chat log  
shsl gay: hahaha  
shsl gay: please dont  
HopeEgg: Don't encourage her! D:  
Detective: Kyoko Kirigiri  
Detective: I hope we can get along  
Legami: ugh, I suppose I'm going to have to get used to commoners  
Legami: I'm Byakuya Togami, and I have no true need to talk to you  
HopeEgg: byakuya  
Legami: ugh  
Legami: I have a slight lack of displeasure for talking to you  
HopeEgg: no~  
Legami: I am being forced against my own will to tolerate your company  
Dekomaru: Nice to meet you, Naegi's boyfriend!

Legami has left the chat.

HopeEgg: has added Legami to the chat.

HopeEgg: we will not allow you to leave until we all die  
Legami: fuck you  
Dekomaru: ha  
Legami: You have n o right to laugh at me  
Dekomaru: i know both of ur secrets  
HopeEgg: ur going to be greeeeeat friends with Alter Ego  
[bot] Alter Ego: :3  
[bot] Alter Ego: Nice to meet you, Komaru!  
Legami: why did you let her in  
HallMonitor: Hello Komaru! I am Kiyotaka Ishimaru! It is nice to meet you!  
shsl gayer: bro you can talk to her like you talk to us  
shsl gay: he did talk to her like he talks to us  
shsl gayer: ... damn  
Otaku: I am the Alpha and the Omega! Hifumi Yamada, Ultimate Doujin Creator!  
MarieAntoinette: Ignore that pig. I'm Celestia Ludenburg, and I really could gamble you out of house and home if you gave me the chance.  
Dekomaru: I... don't think I'll be betting with you any time soon haha  
Donuts: hi im asahina! I love donuts, swimming and Sakura! <3  
Fighter: It is nice to meet you, Komaru. Naegi talks about you a lot.  
Dekomaru: Nice to meet you! Aww Naegi really? You talk about me thaaaat much?  
OOPARTguy: for a fee of about a million yen, I'll predict your future! With 30% accuracy, I'm Yasuhiro Hagakure!  
Bookworm: s-shut up you palm tree!  
Bookworm: a-anyway, you'll probably forget my name really quickly, but my name is Toko Fukawa.  
Dekomaru: It's nice to meet you Fukawa! ^w^/)  
HopeEgg: well I mean  
HopeEgg: now that everyone's met my sister  
HopeEgg: it may be easier to refer to Komaru by her first name, instead of her last  
ChirpyBluebird: woah slow down there egg boy (｀_´)ゞ  
ChirpyBluebird: you forgot about Mukuro!  
DaughterOfFenrir: ...  
Dekomaru: Nice to meet you! I'm sorry we left you out...  
DaughterOfFenrir: it's fine  
DaughterOfFenrir: nice to meet you too Komaru.  
[bot] Alter Ego: Hey Komaru! Do you want a condensed version of the history of this chat?  
[bot] Alter Ego: I'll PM it to you.  
Dekomaru: Why would I need that?  
[bot] Alter Ego: uh  
[bot] Alter Ego: y'know  
[bot] Alter Ego: those reasons  
Dekomaru: ohhhh  
Dekomaru: yes please!  
HopeEgg: do not show or send her the tape  
Dekomaru: why? did you finally get laid?  
HopeEgg: as far as I know they only have one tape and it's not mine actually  
shsl gayest: @[bot] Alter Ego I THOUGHT YOU GOT RID OF THAT  
[bot] Alter Ego: i did  
[bot] Alter Ego: i got rid of That video  
[bot] Alter Ego: not the hundreds of other videos I am burdened with from different dates and times  
shsl gay: dsfsfvdwifkdgfjvfelwhy  
ChirpyBluebird: Send her a history of the chat, but no freaky tapes of whatever the fuck those two get up to  
ChirpyBluebird: nasty  
[bot] Alter Ego: fiiine >:(  
Dekomaru: I... probably wouldn't have watched much of it anyway  
HopeEgg: 'Much of it' ???  
HopeEgg: you'd watch ANY of it???  
Dekomaru: hey, I need to get my own blackmail from somewhere!  
shsl gayest: you  
shsl gayest: don't have any reason  
shsl gayest: to blackmail us  
Dekomaru: you never know what you'll need it for until the time arises  
HopeEgg: a  
HopeEgg: anyway  
VodkaMan: nice mindset  
HopeEgg: please don't encourage her  
VodkaMan: nice to meet you komaru  
VodkaMan: headmaster says hello  
Detective: why not add him to the chat like he was last time he wanted to talk to us  
VodkaMan: uh  
Detective: thought so  
Detective: get off your phone  
shsl gay: look him in the eyes  
shsl gay: you coward  
HallMonitor: We will have no more petty insults and accusations!  
shsl gayer: i cant believe both our teacher and our headmaster r fuckin twinklords  
HallMonitor: MONDO!  
VodkaMan: dont worry ishimaru,,,  
VodkaMan: ive been exposed,,,  
VodkaMan: im fading a w a y  
Dekomaru: LOOK HIM IN THE EYES  
DespairTits: get off ur fucking phone ffs even im not that bad under the sheets(tm)  
shsl gayest: who would top tho  
MarieAntoinette: I cannot believe you are all having this conversation.  
MarieAntoinette: But I do hope I am not alone in not wanting to hear the tendencies of our superiors during their private time.  
Legami: This conversation is exactly what I would expect from immature commoners such as yourselves and I do not wish to take part in it.  
HopeEgg: Byakuya we're all fucking teens here don't tell me ur not immaturely curious as well  
Legami: I am the esteemed Byakuya Togami, and you would be a fool to believe that I would stoop so low.  
Donuts: BOOBOO THE FOOL  
shsl gayest: i can't believe naegi's booboo the fucking fool  
shsl gay: i can't believe togami's fucked by booboo the fool  
HopeEgg: i can't believe you would all betray me like this,,,  
HallMonitor: ANYWAY!  
HallMonitor: I hope you all remember the details of the trip! I must bid you all good night, friends!  
shsl gayer: yeah same  
shsl gayer: have fun with the headmaster, Kizakura  
[bot] Alter Ego: asfkds he's telling the headmaster about this conversation ur all in deep shit  
shsl gay: are they or aren't they doing the diddly  
[bot] Alter Ego: i will neither deny or confirm  
shsl gay: AE/8ball are the headmaster and our teacher doing the diddly with each other  
[bot] Alter Ego: ... yes  
Dekomaru: this is wild asfkdjs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished writing this chapter while sitting in a car for over 4 hours  
> I've been out of school and then I went on holiday and now I'm back for two weeks (including my birthday) of procrastinating all of my "projects' until school is back and I feel like a walking hell :)  
> Why did I add Komaru again?? I don't remember
> 
> Idk when the next chapter will be up honestly
> 
> Also idk how to say it to them but they'll probably see this but!!! I noticed my fic was referenced in another gc fic called dank memes broken dreams and it honestly made the car journey worse bc I can't. Scream. In a Car. asfkjs i was happy about it thank u


	7. Class Trips in Coaches are often Filled with Old or Bad Memes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Junko proposes multiple songs to be the school's anthem while sitting bored in a coach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick upload before I go back to school aka hell

VodkaMan: WE WERE NOT  
[bot] Alter Ego: the headmaster has been scrubbing his desk for days  
HallMonitor: GET OFF OF YOUR PHONES! I AM ABOUT TO REPEAT THE RULES OF THE TRIP!  
shsl gay: I'm bored of this already  
shsl gay: fuck the rules let's actually start this fucking coach  
VodkaMan: d o i t n a e g i   
HopeEgg: im sorry everyone

HopeEgg has added Headmaster to the chat.

Headmaster: Now that Ishimaru and I have finished speaking, I feel it was very irresponsible for the three of you to have been on your phones!  
VodkaMan: actually I told Naegi to be ready to add you whenever I told him to so  
Headmaster: Anyway! Remember, the coach trip will be around an hour long. Please do not disrupt the driver!  
Headmaster: Because of recent allegations, I will be part of this chatroom for the entire trip at least.   
shsl gay: aight   
DespairTits: I'm bored as shit already!  
DespairTits: Let's do something productive  
shsl gayer: like fuckin what  
HallMonitor: Language! Both of you!  
Donuts: productive and junko are are a god damn  
Donuts: whats the word  
Fighter: I believe the word is 'oxymoron.'  
Donuts: exactly  
HopeEgg: Well... as long as we respect the rules, what kind of productive thing did you have in mind, Junko?  
Legami: I want no part in this  
ChirpyBluebird: didn't you lose your rich boy privileges? (*ﾟ∀ﾟ*)  
Legami: It's been longer than a week, you fool.  
Detective: I can't believe Maizono's booboo the fool  
DaughterOfFenrir: tell that to my fucking face  
Detective: that went downhill quickly  
shsl gayest: maybe youre booboo the fool kirigiri   
MarieAntoinette: What is the point of this mindless bickering anyway?  
DespairTits: EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP  
DespairTits: anyway whenever we go somewhere we gotta make it more obvious that we're a bunch of eccentric, talented people than it already is  
Otaku: I don't like where this is going...  
OOPARTguy: me neither dude!  
MarieAntoinette: SHUT UP YOU DENSE IDIOTS  
DespairTits: weeeeell what every school needs anyway iiiiiiisssss  
DespairTits: A school theme tune!  
DespairTits: A song that lets everyone know that WE are the Ultimates of Hope's Peak Academy!  
HopeEgg: that sounds nice in theory, but do we really need it?  
DespairTits: yes  
HallMonitor: I see Enoshima! Your idea is interesting!  
VodkaMan: i can see this all going very downhill  
VodkaMan: but go fucking nuts  
shsl gay: see enoshima you may think im dense but i shall prove you the fool  
shsl gay: the only reason you would've brought up something so specific is if you had a song in mind  
DespairTits: you ruined my big reveal  
DespairTits: but yes correct  
DespairTits: let me just hook my phone up to my speakers  
shsl gayer: why do you even have speakers??  
DespairTits: because you never know when you'll need really loud speakers for something  
DespairTits: aaaaaaaaaand...  
DespairTits: PLAY!  
HopeEgg: ...  
Detective: ...  
Donuts: ...  
shsl gayest: is  
shsl gay: ...  
shsl gayer: ...  
shsl gayest: is this sweet caroline i  
DespairTits: ofc it is what else would it be  
DaughterOfFenrir: This is stupid  
DespairTits: yo sis remember ur role in this  
DaughterOfFenrir: fuck you  
DespairTits: d o  
DespairTits: i t  
DaughterOfFenrir: never  
ChirpyBluebird: do what???  
DespairTits: im playing sweet caroline on my phone what do you think  
DespairTits: it's coming up sis  
DespairTits: be ready  
DaughterOfFenrir: i hope im on the rollercoaster which crashes so that I die  
DespairTits: S I S  
Legami: you're all idiots  
HopeEgg: SWEEEEEET CAROLINE  
Detective: naegi no dont give in to her  
HopeEgg: this song is my jam  
Donuts: who even uses the word jam like that anymore  
Donuts: the only correct usage of jam is when it's in the same sentence as 'donuts'  
DespairTits: boring  
DespairTits: too generic  
DespairTits: i ban you from using the word and any words related to the word donut in this chat  
DespairTits: anyway sing assholes i cant hear any of you fuckers  
DaughterOfFenrir: fuck you  
ChirpyBluebird: Your singing is really nice Mukuro! \\\\(*≧∀≦*)// You should sing more often!  
OOPARTguy: her singing might be nice but sweet caroline sucks  
DespairTits: you offend me  
DespairTits: sis  
DespairTits: kill him  
DaughterOfFenrir: nrn Ishimaru'll tell me off for standing in a moving coach  
VodkaMan: yo play sweet caroline again that song is the fucking best  
VodkaMan: also turn it up i can barely hear it  
DespairTits: get the rest of the class to fucking sing my phone doesn't go any louder  
ChirpyBluebird: I can sing! ♪( ´θ｀)ノ  
HopeEgg: I'll sing too  
shsl gayest: yo shut the fuck up im trying to play this fucking game  
DespairTits: make us  
shsl gay: yo shut the fuck up chi's trying to play a game  
DespairTits: a pair of fucking twinks can't stop me  
shsl gayer: if you all don't shut the fuck up I'll rip your limbs off  
HallMonitor: Mondo! Too violent!  
DespairTits: whoever doesn't sing is going to be forced onto rollercoasters with Naegi all day  
HopeEgg: no don't use me! D:  
HopeEgg: j ust because Hagakure predicted that one of the rollercoasters would crash  
HopeEgg: does not mean  
Dekomaru: I mean, I'm not on the coach with you, but I can imagine this amazing scene  
Legami: What the fuck  
HopeEgg: that a rollercoaster will crash OR that I'll be in that rollercoaster! D:<  
Legami: I keep forgetting you have a sister makoto   
Dekomaru: hey! I'm not that forgettable!  
[bot] Alter Ego: Togami's just being a fucking asshole dw about him uwu  
shsl gayest: gASP  
shsl gayest: my son,,,  
shsl gay: this always happens  
shsl gay: you need to stop being surprised about it chi   
shsl gayest: AE/8ball can you stop swearing  
[bot] Alter Ego: [8ball] better not tell you now ;)  
shsl gayest: AE/8ball alter ego this is a yes or no question  
[bot] Alter Ego: [8ball] concentrate and ask again  
DespairTits: I CANT HEAR YOU SINGING  
shsl gayer: this is the third loop of sweet caroline change the song asshole  
DespairTits: Fiiiiiine  
DespairTits: I'll just play something far more disturbing~  
shsl gayest: is this,,,  
shsl gay: yes  
shsl gayest: no don't play All Star  
shsl gayest: IF NOT FOR ME DO IT FOR THE HEADMASTER LEON WILL NO HESITATE TO  
shsl gay: soME BODY ONCE TOLD ME  
Detective: Has this chat really devolved into shriek jokes  
Detective: I don't think I can put up with this anymore  
DespairTits: THEN I SHALL PLAY FAR SUPERIOR MUSIC  
shsl gay: fuck you  
Detective: this is just wonderwall you outdated pepe fucker  
Headmaster: Wonderwall is quite a good classic actually! I thought you liked the song!  
Detective: not in this context  
VodkaMan: I have to agree with your father  
Detective: damn it dad(s)  
DespairTits: SHE SAID IT  
ChirpyBluebird: DADS  
shsl gayest: DADS  
shsl gay: DADS  
OOPARTguy: DADS  
VodkaMan: Jesus fucking christ   
Donuts: DADS  
Fighter: dads   
Otaku: dads  
Headmaster: Kizakura? Explain.  
shsl gayer: DADS  
DaughterOfFenrir: DADS  
HopeEgg: DADS  
Legami: DADS  
Detective: Dad doesn't need to explain anything, dad.  
Detective: I thought it was self explanatory.  
HopeEgg: asfkjkfs  
Detective: anyway Junko turn that dead shit off  
DaughterOfFenrir: junko no  
DespairTits: JUNKO YES  
DaughterOfFenrir: JUNKO NO  
DespairTits: DESPAIR ASSHOLES  
shsl gay: doNT RICKROLL US  
shsl gayest: i can't believe Junko is stooping to such lows as  
shsl gayest: the rick astley   
Detective: why  
VodkaMan: oh boy the rick roll  
VodkaMan: Original(TM)  
DespairTits: well first of all fuck all of you  
DespairTits: second of all out of those songs we can all agree that sweet caroline is the best song for our school anthem and if you don't sing I will find a way to make you regret your decision to not embarrass yourselves at an amusement park  
HallMonitor: If your process to make us "regret our decision" involves anything which breaks a school rule, I WILL put you in detention!  
DaughterOfFenrir: fuck you junko im not singing sweet caroline for you again  
ChirpyBluebird: but your singing is really nice! uwu  
DaughterOfFenrir: ,,,thank you  
DaughterOfFenrir: ,,but my throat hurts now  
Donuts: that's p fucking gay  
DaughterOfFenrir: shut  
HopeEgg: Enoshima, do any of us Really look like we can be bothered?  
DespairTits: yes  
Dekomaru: i have sweet caroline stuck in my head now  
Bookworm: How does that even work - it's not like you heard the song yourself.  
Dekomaru: i just know the song, so I guess the name just, make me think of it? idk  
HopeEgg: cryptid spotted  
Detective: cryptid spotted  
shsl gay: cryptid spotted  
Bookworm: This is the exact behaviour that prevents me from using this chatroom on a daily basis.  
Dekomaru: oi makoto! stop excluding fukawa!  
HopeEgg: It's not intentional!!!  
Bookworm: I...  
Bookworm: I appreciate the sympathy, but I would not use the group chat much anyway. It would be distracting.  
Legami: it is unfortunate that she has the ability to contact my personal phone at any time.  
Legami: therefore I will have to disagree with you, Komaru  
Dekomaru: >:0  
ChirpyBluebird: You probably gathered it already, but Togami really doesn't like Fukawa (~_~;)  
Legami: Surely you should know my situation, as a famous pop singer with sheep which follow your every word  
Legami: i Do Not appreciate being stalked, more so if the person doing it is you.  
DespairTits: ok so I'm going to play my personal playlist and there will be no song requests until it ends.   
DaughterOfFenrir: wait which on-  
shsl gayest: whaTS NEW PUSSYCAT  
shsl gay: DONT TELL ME  
DespairTits: >:3  
MarieAntoinette: dont >:3 turn this shit off  
DespairTits: nah~  
MarieAntoinette: dont fuck with me  
DespairTits: i cba now~~~ you all rejected the best songs in the universe~  
DespairTits: so now I leave you with another of those songs  
DaughterOfFenrir: Junko i know your plan turn this off  
DespairTits: dawww such despair,,, my own sister turning against me,,,  
DespairTits: i guess i'll just tell eeeeeveryone in this coach the name of her crush prematurely~<3  
DaughterOfFenrir: WHAT'S NEW PUSSYCAT IS SUDDENLY MUCH MORE ENTERTAINING FOR ME HAHA  
Donuts: Wait,,,  
Donuts: MUKURO ARE YOU PLANNING TO CONFESS TODAY?!?  
DaughterOfFenrir: I was hoping I'd be a surprise...  
DaughterOfFenrir: fuck you junko  
DespairTits: love you too sis  
ChirpyBluebird: Do you want me to be there when you do it? (*^ω^*)  
ChirpyBluebird: I can give you moral support!!!  
DaughterOfFenrir: asfgjkdfjjhfdfsgjfs uh  
DaughterOfFenrir: yeah please  
shsl gay: smooth recovery  
DaughterOfFenrir: recovery from what you twink  
shsl gay: CHIHIRO  
shsl gayest: she speaks the truth  
shsl gayest: you are a twink :)  
shsl gayer: dude stop denying it  
HopeEgg: I hope it goes well Ikusaba!  
shsl gayest: I'm sure you'll do better than when Leon broke down into a mess after confessing to me! \^-^/  
DaughterOfFenrir: thanks  
shsl gay: i diD NOT  
shsl gay: and anyway! Don't forget the time Togami confessed to Naegi  
Legami: How the Fuck  
[bot] Alter Ego: :3  
HopeEgg: Jesus Fuck  
HopeEgg: Fujisaki you need to control your fucking AI  
shsl gayest: that's like telling me to be manipulative towards my own child  
HopeEgg: teach it about Discipline  
HopeEgg: and Privacy  
shsl gayest: trust me I've tried  
DespairTits: what's new pussycat is the best song there is  
Donuts: shut up  
Donuts: how many times has it looped by now anyway  
Bookworm: Was it always a really long song?  
Fighter: I believe this is the third repeat.  
shsl gayest: ne ne pa pa end my suffering  
HallMonitor: I can't help but think something bad is going to come about from this...  
VodkaMan: wwwwhats new pussycat whooooooaaahhh  
Headmaster: ...Enoshima how long exactly is this playlist of yours?  
DespairTits: I hate to disappoint you Kirigiri, sir, but that would just spoil the fun~  
HopeEgg: Are we anywhere near the park yet?   
Legami: what, bored of What's New Pussycat?  
Headmaster: Well, to answer tryout question Naegi, I have no idea. Unfortunately it has only been around half an hour, so based on that we still have an hour and a half to go.  
Legami: Enoshima I will have your head stuck to a stake  
HopeEgg: if the next song isn't It's Not Unusual I might just jump out of this moving coach  
DespairTits: fuck you for guessing the next song correctly luck asshole  
Detective: After that song it's more What's New Pussycat?  
DespairTits: sigh  
DespairTits: yes  
Detective: predictable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Half of this chapter is inspired by something this one asshole in my school did on one coach for a school trip which spread to all four coaches from the school  
> They forced everyone in the coach to sing or at least pretend to and if you did not sing you would be publicly humiliated on the coach  
> Fun fact
> 
> Anyway I tried bolding the text in the other chapters but it turns out half the snacing chapter has ceased to exist and refuses to actually appear so I gave up trying to fix it. Like a lazy person.
> 
> Anyway thank you for reading this far into my hell fic


	8. Theme Parks can be Fun but often End in Utter Fucking Disaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're finally at the amusement/theme/rollercoaster park! chaos ensues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I'm not dead just lazy

Dekomaru: Makoto! I can see your coach!  
HopeEgg: how are you already there?  
Dekomaru: i didn't sit through a rules and regulations speech your headmaster gave because your class isn't trusted on its own  
shsl gayest: i mean i suppose that's fair but still  
HopeEgg: why did we bring our phones again?  
Headmaster: Well, since you're going in small groups, you ought to use this chat to communicate with each other!  
HallMonitor: I will send a reminder to this chat when we need to meet up for the workshop!  
shsl gay: well I mean who's going with who  
shsl gayest: who do you think  
shsl gayer: dude, pretty much everyone is in a relationship, platonic or not  
HallMonitor: Yes! Bro, perhaps we could go with Kuwata and Fujisaki!  
shsl gayer: sure bro  
DespairTits: well I'm calling Kirigiri, sis and Maizono~  
DaughterOfFenrir: please no  
ChirpyBluebird: sure! \\(^-^)/  
Detective: I suppose it's better than hanging around a bunch of lovesick assholes  
HopeEgg: !!! hey!  
Legami: it's not like I would want to hang around with you anyway  
Dekomaru: I call Fukawa!  
Bookworm: We have never met before.  
Bookworm: Anyway, I was going to pick master!  
HopeEgg: then you can both come with us?  
Legami: NO  
Bookworm: Yes!  
Dekomaru: yay!  
OOPARTguy: so uh  
OOPARTguy: who does that leave  
Fighter: I shall be going with Aoi.  
Donuts: !! yes !!  
MarieAntoinette: I suppose that leaves me with the pig  
Otaku: :(  
Fighter: Since everyone else are in fours, I believe it would be wise for the four of us to be one group as well.  
Donuts: .  
Donuts: are you sure sakura???  
MarieAntoinette: I suppose we must.  
VodkaMan: I'm going with Jin  
Detective: Jin  
HopeEgg: Jin  
shsl gayest: Jin  
shsl gay: Jin  
shsl gayer: Jin  
Dekomaru: Jin?  
Donuts: Jin.  
Sakura: Jin is the headmaster.  
Dekomaru: OH  
VodkaMan: shut up  
[bot] Alter Ego: >:3  
[bot] Alter Ego: >:3 >:3 >:3  
VodkaMan: your >:3 don't affect me now  
VodkaMan: you have nothing on me  
[bot] Alter Ego: you don't know that >:3  
[bot] Alter Ego: id say meet me in the pit but im miles away from you and a computer :/  
shsl gayest: i didnt raise you to use outdated memes  
Headmaster: Thank you for sorting out groups among yourselves! Now that the coach has stopped, I need to make sure everyone is here and give you all a reminder on the rules of the part.  
Headmaster: So sit down and put your phones away!  
OOPARTguy: wait what about me!  
shsl gay: hhhhhhhhhhhh  
Dekomaru: have fun

***

shsl gayer: SIR SAID WE CAN GO  
shsl gayer: CHARGE  
HallMonitor: NO  
shsl gayest: dw Mondo I got this

HallMonitor changed their name to boyfrond

shsl gayer: is that the best you can do?  
shsl gayest: i had a good name and now it's gone  
boyfrond: ???  
shsl gayest: ok I don't like this

boyfrond changed their name to HallMonitor

shsl gayer: that was pointless  
shsl gayest: so where first  
shsl gay: lets just walk around until we find something  
DespairTits: HELL FUCKING YEAH  
DespairTits: WE'RE GOING TO BE THE BEST(TM) GROUP  
DaughterOfFenrir: stop typing in caps  
Detective: I wasn't bothered about going on this trip anyway, but how about the main one  
Detective: the rollercoaster which makes you go from 0 to 80 miles in 2 seconds while only being guided by the tracks, not attached  
HallMonitor: I SAID NO ROLLERCOASTERS  
Detective: We're not with Naegi and rollercoasters are all this place has  
ChirpyBluebird: wwell I supppose thhat's finne  
DespairTits: have fun watching us have fun egg boy  
DespairTits: THERE ARE ONLY ROLLERCOASTERS  
HopeEgg: ding dong ur wrong  
HopeEgg: ... there r water rides  
Legami: I will watch  
Legami: fuck getting my suit wet  
DaughterOfFenrir: wait a sec  
Dekomaru: ??  
DaughterOfFenrir: Junko, Kirigiri, we are not going on the rollercoaster  
DespairTits: pussies  
DespairTits: we'll just go on the rollercoaster without you two  
Detective: I physically do not care what any of us do or don't do.  
Detective: I was just suggesting something because we were at a standstill.  
Donuts: lets go on the teacups!!  
Donuts: ...separately  
Otaku: >:/  
Fighter: Of course.  
Donuts: no not u Sakura!! <3  
Fighter: <3  
shsl gay: lets go on that plane one  
HallMonitor: but,,, that's a rollercoaster  
OOPARTguy: am I just,,, being left out here,,  
MarieAntoinette: yes  
OOPARTguy: but I have to be in some group!  
DespairTits: dibs not us  
shsl gayest: dibs not us  
Bookworm: n o  
Donuts: THAT WAS FUN what did we miss  
OOPARTguy: uh, I think everyone just sorta, dumped me on your group  
Donuts: for fucks sake  
HopeEgg: wait is that one of our upperclassmen?  
Headmaster: Why yes! Their class was also invited to join us here. I believe your underclassmen went to a different amusement park with Munakata.  
shsl gayest: WAIT WHAT

~~~~~Gaming Squad Chat~~~~~

shsl gayest: what's up gaymers you didn't tell me you were going on a trip  
OrangeJuice: trip? I'm at school

PixelTetris changed their name to VidyaGaymer

VidyaGaymer: I'm not that fussed tbh,  
VidyaGaymer: I think I lost everyone  
VidyaGaymer: I got the botw dlc on my Nantendo Switch  
VidyaGaymer: and there's a bunch of new games on my Prostation  
HopeCloud: I wish I could help you, Nanami.  
HopeCloud: but I have been separated from the others too  
HopeCloud: I'm not surprised really, I mean  
HopeCloud: who would want to hang out with trash like me  
VidyaGaymer: wait why is Kuzuryu being dragged out of the park by security

~~~~~Eurovision Squad Chat~~~~~

HopeEgg: hey look it's kuzuryu  
Bookworm: That ignorant yakuza heir is pushing through the queues.  
HopeEgg: holy shit they made an announcement for it  
Dekomaru: he just flipped off a camera  
HopeEgg: welp bye  
shsl gayest: what the fuck

~~~~~Gaming Squad Chat~~~~~

shsl gayest: Naegi saw the whole thing apparently he flipped off a security camera after the staff told him off for pushing in a queue  
VidyaGaymer: I think Peko is attempting to apologise but it's coming off as a threat  
HopeCloud: well good luck to him, I just found someone!  
HopeCloud: it's kuzuryu  
VidyaGaymer: im by the rapids   
VidyaGaymer: ...sitting next to Togami of all people  
shsl gayest: he didn't want to get his suit wet on the water rides  
VidyaGaymer: ah  
shsl gayest: anyway I'm just about to get on a ride see you all on the other side  
OrangeJuice: MY PHONE KEEPS GOING OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS CAN YOU GUYS CHILL? PLEASE?  
HopeCloud: ah, sorry Hinata-kuuuuun~  
OrangeJuice: adjhjdkshds

~~~~~Eurovision Squad Chat~~~~~

DespairTits: GUESS WHICH BITCHES JUST GOT PRIORITY TICKETS BOIS  
Detective: the ride broke down when we got to the front of the queue  
HallMonitor: safhdjcgkvfs  
OOPARTguy: dude chill they're fine they got a sweet fucking deal tho  
OOPARTguy: I mean, priority tickets? I didn't predict that  
DespairTits: fuck yeah  
DespairTits: while my sister was being a fucking chicken with Miss Jpop over here, we got fucking queue skippers  
DaughterOfFenrir: fuck you  
ChirpyBluebird: ;n;  
HopeEgg: Byakuya, you really MISSED OUT that was great fun  
Dekomaru: Lets go on it again!  
Bookworm: well, while you two get wet, I'm going to sit with master~  
Legami: no. Fuck you.  
shsl gayest: bitch I know what you're doing  
shsl gayest: you're sitting next to a gamer, and no offence to my friend Nanami but that's just about the opposite of a rich prick heir  
Legami: I'll sue you for your distasteful comments  
Legami: At least I'm sitting next to someone who doesn't talk to me or obsess creepily over me  
Bookworm: You're,, sitting next to a gamer,, when you should be sitting next to me?  
shsl gay: she isn't speaking in perfect English you broke the Ultimate fucking writer  
HopeEgg: Fukawa he's still taken  
Bookworm: Wwell! He's not sitting next tto you.  
Dekomaru: don't worry toko! I'll sit next to you~  
Bookworm: That!  
Bookworm: I!  
Bookworm: No!  
VodkaMan: y'know what puzzles me is that you're standing next to each other on your phones, talking to each other, on your phones, instead of irl  
shsl gayer: quick Naegi! Think of something to excuse us  
HopeEgg: SORE WA CHIFUCK YOU  
HopeEgg: uh this is more fun idk  
shsl gayest: truly an inspiration for us all  
Donuts: i shall frame this quote on my wall  
Bookworm: It's quotation you illiterate bimbo!  
Donuts: well fuck you  
HallMonitor: adjkdsahkdasjds  
shsl gayer: stop swearing bro's gonna implode  
HallMonitor: Ttthattt ridde was hhoorriiblre  
HallMonitor: Nnnooo. mkmmmore rrtuolllerfcoasfsfs  
shsl gayest: calm down, Ishimaru, everything's fine  
shsl gay: but uh, the only rides at this park are rollercoasters, really  
shsl gay: markets for everyone my ass  
shsl gayest: well I enjoyed that  
shsl gayest: what ride next  
HallMonitor: Tttea cupps?  
shsl gayer: y not  
HopeEgg: uh  
HopeEgg: how about my group go on that drop tower ride  
Legami: the one in livid avian land?  
Legami: no  
HopeEgg: then what will you go on???  
Legami: the map shows nothing that I would be interested in  
Dekomaru: how about fuck all of you, Toko and I r going on a rollercoaster  
Bookworm: What? I never agreed to that!  
Dekomaru: how about the fish one  
Bookworm: Only if I get to sit next to master!  
Dekomaru: Toko,,, he's still taken  
Legami: you know what Naegi? you win this time. I'll go on your stupid water ride.  
Legami: and you'll be paying for a new suit if it gets wet  
HopeEgg: y es  
Dekomaru: NICE  
Bookworm: hhhhhh

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HallMonitor: Okay everyone! It is time for the business workshop!   
shsl gay: hhhhhhhhhhh  
HallMonitor: Please make your way to the big dome area!  
DespairTits: that sounded smooth I have to take notes  
HallMonitor: Good idea Enoshima! I would encourage that those related to the business industry take notes! This is a one time opportunity!

shsl gay: this is boring  
DespairTits: put your phone away or mr stickupmyass will take it off you

shsl gayest: that was boring  
shsl gayer: i cant believe leon got his fucking phone taken off him  
DaughterOfFenrir: Junko toFFSJBgbgDhxGgFghgxhhzDFJ  
ChirpyBluebird: Junko's stealing Mukuro's phone ヽ(￣д￣;)ノ  
DaughterOfFenrir: HEY FUCK YOU ISHIMARU GIVE ME MY GOD DAMN PHONE BACK OR ILL SMASH YOUR FUCKING SKULL IN  
HallMonitor: Don't swear! You should have been paying attention instead of texting on your phone!  
shsl gayest: Togami fucking told that guy tho  
Legami: They were going about their business tactics all wrong, and I can not let a business that claims to be large use such shitty and underhanded tactics such as this  
Donuts: They're not as well off as you though, asshole  
Legami: Because I am the Ultimate Heir, they are nothing but peasants to people of my status.  
HopeEgg: not in bed ur not ;)  
Legami: fuck off  
shsl gayest: WAIT I THOUGHT OF GOOD NAMES

HallMonitor changed their name to boyf

shsl gayer changed their name to riends

boyf: Fujisaki! I do not see the meaning of these names. Please explain.  
riends: im trying to think of everything uve ever mentioned to me and I cannot tell where this fucking comes from  
Donuts: ashshgskfdas  
Donuts: wait for them to realise  
boyf: ?  
riends: wait a second  
shsl gayest: :)  
riends: CHI IM GONNA FUCKIN KILL YOU  
shsl gayest: NO YOU'RE NOT  
Dekomaru: that's gay  
Bookworm: Can you not?  
HopeEgg: anyway we're going to go on a rollercoaster  
HallMonitor: That is a bad idea! Please restrain yourself from doing that!  
Dekomaru: We're at the front of the queue!  
HopeEgg: Honestly Ishimaru! What are the odds?

~~~~~

HopeEgg: so uh  
HopeEgg: the rollercoaster may have uh  
HopeEgg: stopped  
HopeEgg: upside down  
OOPARTguy: My predictions have a 30 percent accuracy! You doubted me!  
Donuts: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ON YOUR PHONE  
Dekomaru: i think Toko passed out?  
Legami: there is a lot of screaming going on  
shsl gayest: f to pay respects  
DespairTits: no  
HopeEgg: love you too Enoshima  
HopeEgg: anyway uh  
HopeEgg: little help?  
Donuts: sighs Sakura's on her way  
DespairTits: sis?  
DaughterOfFenrir: not right now  
shsl gay: in this class we love an appreciate each other  
riends: that's bullshit  
riends: also I think your bullshit bad luck has finally killed bro  
VodkaMan: lol dont die  
Headmaster: I may have to reconsider future trips...  
ChirpyBluebird: anyway i love girls  
MarieAntoinette: love the validation, maybe not the best time for it  
Otaku: is EVERYONE gay?  
MarieAntoinette: yes  
Otaku: I'm the only straight person what the fuck  
MarieAntoinette: lies. I've seen that body pillow. You'd rather fuck a 2D guy than a 2D girl  
shsl gayest: I'm not going to ask but this is possibly the best thing Celes has ever said in this chat

Bookworm changed their name to genocide gal

genocide gal: im here im queer and why am I hanging upside down in a rollercoaster with gloomy guts' white night and boobs mclesbian  
Dekomaru: rollercoaster machine broke  
genocide gal: understandable. have a nice day.  
DespairTits: dead meme  
genocide gal: is it, Junko? Is it?  
Dekomaru: anyway boobs mclesbian????  
HopeEgg: she has two personalities  
HopeEgg: surprise?  
Legami: im surrounded by idiots save me first  
Fighter: I shall be saving everyone on this rollercoaster, not just you four.  
HopeEgg: Oogami, you're strong but not THAT strong  
HopeEgg: don't you need any help?  
Fighter: help would be appreciated.  
shsl gayest: I'll see if Chiaki can get hold of Nekomaru  
riends: wouldn't Leon have his contact??  
shsl gayest: your boyfriend took away his phone because he was dicking about in the shitty business thing  
shsl gayest: so right now, no, he doesn't.

~~~~~Gaming Squad Chat~~~~~

shsl gayest: sorry Hajime but uhhhh Chiaki?  
shsl gayest: i don't suppose you have Nekomaru's contact number?  
shsl gayest: Naegi's hanging upside down in a stopped rollercoaster and Oogami can't help everyone by herself  
VidyaGaymer: why am I not surprised  
VidyaGaymer: sure I'll ask him to help  
HopeCloud: I hope he helps quickly!

~~~~~Eurovision Squad Chat~~~~~

shsl gayest: chiaki said she'd ask for Nekomaru  
Fighter: Thank you Fujisaki.  
genocide gal: so what do we fucking do  
genocide gal: hang here like fucking limp noodles  
Legami: Stop laughing. People are staring. They think we are Freaks.  
Dekomaru: it is a laugh of fear  
HopeEgg: no it really isnt  
Donuts: I'm so gay  
DaughterOfFenrir: mood  
ChirpyBluebird: mood  
Detective: mood  
HopeEgg: mood  
Dekomaru: mood!!!  
shsl gayest: mood  
riends: mood  
Legami: now is not the time for your stupid chain replies  
Donuts: shut up

~~~~~Private Messages [DaughterOfFenrir <-> Detective]~~~~~

DaughterOfFenrir: I have a favour to ask.  
Detective: Is this related to your obvious crush on Maizono  
DaughterOfFenrir: FUCK  
Detective: You've been giving off an aura of gay awkwardness all day.  
Detective: Plus, your reactions to Maizono offering to make chocolates with you for your crush really doesn't help your case.  
Detective: tl;dr you're really gay and you want me to tell Enoshima to fuck off and not ruin this moment for you.  
DaughterOfFenrir: I mean there's no evidence for that last one but uhh yes please  
Detective: It's understandable. Enoshima can be a bitch.  
Detective: To be quite honest, I had also predicted that you would want to ask me to tell her where to meet you so that you remain anonymous but whatever, 2/3  
DaughterOfFenrir: that's kind of a good idea...  
Detective: honestly there's nothing particularly romantic in this place but there was a pretty flower garden near the teacups that I saw  
Detective: neither of you seem to have hay fever or any other flower related problem so I'm sure it would be a pretty nice spot  
DaughterOfFenrir: ...that sounds really nice...  
DaughterOfFenrir: Thank you Kirigiri.  
Detective: My pleasure.

~~~~~Private Messages [ChirpyBluebird <-> Detective]~~~~~

Detective: Maizono?  
ChirpyBluebird: What's up Kirigiri~? ( ^ω^ )  
Detective: Someone wants to meet you at the flower garden near the teacups.  
Detective: Before you say anything, they're safe. We're not organising an attempt on your life.  
ChirpyBluebird: Interesting...! Of course I'll show up - I trust you! (´∀｀=)  
ChirpyBluebird: you didn't have to word it like that though...  
Detective: I didn't want to worry you.  
Detective: that and literally anything we seem to do through chats is just a giant meme  
ChirpyBluebird: that's meta (o_o)  
Detective: anyway yeah try not to keep that person waiting  
Detective: I guess  
ChirpyBluebird: sure!!! ~

~~~~~Eurovision Squad Chat~~~~~

HopeEgg: honestly??? This is terrifying how are any of you dealing w this  
genocide gal: this feels like the fucking best place in the world for me  
genocide gal: im hanging upside down waiting for imminent death next to your sister  
Dekomaru: THAT MAY BE TRUE BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT'S RELEVANT  
Dekomaru: AND DONT YELL IT SO WE GET MULTIPLE CONCERNED LOOKED FROM ANGRY PARENTS WHOSE KIDS JUST LEARNT NEW CUSS WORDS  
genocide gal: what, imminent death?  
Dekomaru: THE WORD FUCK  
Legami: I've already gotten a headache from trying not to fall out of this fucking rollercoaster, I don't need you lot blabbering in my ear about dying because of it  
Legami: I can't tolerate such vulgar language  
HopeEgg: says the guy who just swore  
Donuts: Sakura is TRYING!!!  
Donuts: Give her a chance and stop complaining!!!  
shsl gayest: you know... maybe we could just,,, wait for the park officials???  
Dekomaru: I appreciate your girlfriend trying to help but uhh this doesn't look like it'll work  
Donuts: pff you'll be fine, you're with Naegi!  
Legami: which is exactly the reason why we're stuck upside down on a rollercoaster  
VodkaMan: honestly? I'm surprised this didn't happen sooner   
Headmaster: Oogami, I appreciate that you want to help, but please keep your own safety in mind too.  
Detective: So where have you two been all day?  
[bot] Alter Ego: Can't you guess? >:3  
VodkaMan: stop trying to imply that  
shsl gayest: it's true tho  
Headmaster: I think, once everyone is safe, we should get back on the coaches...  
boyf: Please...  
VodkaMan: They finally got to ya, huh?  
boyf: yeah...  
shsl gayest: anyway uhh can I talk about Pokemon UM(TM) rn or is that inappropriate  
HopeEgg: just a bit, yeah  
Legami: what do you fucking think  
shsl gayest: guess I'll go chat w Chiaki then

~~~~~Gayming Squad Chat~~~~~

shsl gayest: so how's ur us/um   
shsl gayest: i can't get past this bit on ultra moon :/  
VidyaGaymer: Nintendo uve finally bested me  
OrangeJuice: ??? Chiaki r u okay???  
VidyaGaymer: a Crustle scared the shit out of me  
VidyaGaymer: af iuckidngh ceuskgs   
VidyaGaymer: im going to put the game down for now  
VidyaGaymer: ...i say that but I have no other games so uhh nevermind  
VidyaGaymer: time to shiny hunt  
OrangeJuice: I just read the chat and is everything okay up there?????  
shsl gayest: eh they're fine  
shsl gayest: they've got Genocider so even though everyone else might die, I'm convinced Genocider is invincible and will probably only save Naegi's sister  
OrangeJuice: What the fuck  
HopeCloud: oh, Naegi's on this rollercoaster too?  
HopeCloud: What a coincidence!  
OrangeJuice: komaeda  
OrangeJuice: what the fuck  
shsl gayest: well that just begs the question about who was the true driving force behind this  
shsl gayest: komaeda or fuckjng naegi  
OrangeJuice: Jesus fucking christ ur out of my sight for  
OrangeJuice: one  
OrangeJuice: single  
OrangeJuice: day  
VidyaGaymer: yep  
OrangeJuice: ur the class rep  
VidyaGaymer: so is naegi   
HopeCloud: I'm surprised nobody went on the rollercoasters with you!  
VidyaGaymer: i told Sonia I didn't want to  
shsl gayest: hajime we're a mess  
shsl gayest: that's why we need you  
shsl gayest: and naegi   
OrangeJuice: Naegi's the one stuck on a broken rollercoaster  
HopeCloud: i am too!  
OrangeJuice: just.  
OrangeJuice: what the fuck  
VidyaGaymer: shut up a second I can't let yukizome see me  
VidyaGaymer: she'll force me to go with them  
shsl gayest: gl  
VidyaGaymer: FUCK I WAS SPOTTED  
VidyaGaymer: ABORT ABORT  
shsl gayest: metal gear solid sfx   
shsl gayest: run  
HopeCloud: dont bother. Sensei is fast  
shsl gayest: Chiaki is fast but teacher is faster  
OrangeJuice: i hate all of you  
OrangeJuice: that doesn't even sound right  
OrangeJuice: fuck. what the fuck.

~~~~~Eurovision Squad Chat~~~~~

shsl gayest: any updates?  
Legami: look for your fucking self  
shsl gayest: not much going on  
Legami: exactly. We're stuck. We will be for hours. And I've got to put up with a fucking serial killer screaming about murder in a theme park for children  
genocide gal: u kno ya lov me~  
Legami: No. Fuck you.  
Headmaster: Everyone, I have an announcement. Koichi and I have decided that as soon as this fiasco ends, we will be getting ready to go home. With that being said, please gather in front of the currently broken down plane rollercoaster where you can see me, Kizakura or Yukizome. Thank you!   
VodkaMan: maybe not her. She's running around after her classmates bc she doesn't have a way to contact them  
shsl gayest: that's the context I needed  
HopeEgg: this is going to take a while D:

~~~Timeskip~~~

Headmaster: Right. Everyone is on the coach. Nobody is dead. We haven't left anyone behind.  
Detective: Well that's just asking for disaster.  
VodkaMan: tl;dr lets go and possibly never come back  
HopeEgg: agreed  
Dekomaru: hey uh Naegi? Let's not tell our parents  
HopeEgg: that's a very good idea. I won't if you don't  
riends: true sibling relationship  
DespairTits: jealous?  
riends: fuck off  
shsl gay: at least I've got my phone back  
boyf: I hope you take that as a warning!  
DespairTits: you think I fucking care?  
boyf: language!  
MarieAntoinette: well at least more lesbians have joined our ranks  
Otaku: ur not even dating anyone????  
MarieAntoinette: exactly  
Donuts: where the hell were you two? You just kinda disappeared along with Hagakure  
OOPARTguy: im going to be honest? I think I was high or smth I have no recollection of the past 12 hours  
Detective: i doubt you were high since you got past security AND Ishimaru  
Detective: same for alcohol  
OOPARTguy: ?? ? ? ??? ?  
shsl gayest: i saw yamada and celes at the kfc   
Legami: Why is there a kfc in Japan and how do you tolerate it  
HopeEgg: you eat mcdonalds I've seen you with a 20 nugget share box. for yourself.  
Legami: shut  
Fighter: I am glad none of you were harmed - I was quite worried that despite my efforts you would have ended up seriously injured.  
Dekomaru: Thank you for helping us Oogami!!  
Fighter: That is no problem.  
ChirpyBluebird: Overall, this day went really well!!! (*^ω^*)  
DaughterOfFenrir: Are you enjoying the chocolates?  
ChirpyBluebird: They're delicious! You have to try them too~ <3  
shsl gay: damn that's gay  
DespairTits: oi sis cut out the gay shit   
DespairTits: at least on the fucking chat  
HopeEgg: Gay? In my sibling? It's more likely than you think.  
genocide gal: LISTEN  
genocide gal: JUST BECAUSE I THINK UR SISTER IS HOT  
HopeEgg: this is ten times more surreal coming in text form than sitting upside down on a rollercoaster  
genocide gal: DOESNT MEA NNNNFF  
Legami: she sneezed

genocide gal has changed their name to Bookworm.

Bookworm: What happened while I was passed out?  
Bookworm: How long was Genocider awake?  
Bookworm: I need to know what damage I've done.  
HopeEgg: uhhh swore a lot  
HopeEgg: causing many angry parents to glare at us  
HopeEgg: she hit on my sister  
HopeEgg: that was a thing  
Bookworm: What the FUCK?  
DespairTits: ok google how to kill half of your personality  
Bookworm: That is NOT how it works! You know that!  
DespairTits: asfds ik  
Bookworm: At least tell me she did something non-embarrassing?  
Legami: no, she spent most of her time swearing and yelling about being gay in multiple different forms  
Legami: all while hanging upside down in a rollercoaster  
Bookworm: ...  
Bookworm: I'm sorry!  
Bookworm: S-So sorry! !  
shsl gayest: there's the stuttertyping  
Dekomaru: It's okay!! I was mainly just surprised is all!! I know now!!  
Dekomaru: It's fine!  
Otaku: Ah, Fukawa. This is all good and fine but I recall you telling us that you shared feelings with Genocider?  
Bookworm: FUCK OFF  
Bookworm: I mean  
Bookworm: F  
Bookworm: FUCK  
DespairTits: upupupupu~  
DespairTits: looks like another lesbian bois   
DaughterOfFenrir: join the club  
ChirpyBluebird: (≧∀≦)  
Bookworm: I'm not gay!  
shsl gay: that sounds like denial  
Bookworm: You can't judge me, Kuwata, you insisted you were straight for weeks.  
shsl gay: and? now im gay  
DespairTits: hey gaylords I just got sent an email with an attachment  
DespairTits: no subject, no text, just a zip file named "OUMAS_FIRE_MIXTAPE"  
shsl gayest: probably a virus but at least we know who sent it  
shsl gayest: for an evil supreme leader he sure is shit at hiding his cyber crimes  
DespairTits: im going to download it  
shsl gayest: and im not fixing your phone or helping you when your tumblr account is slandered  
DespairTits: downloaded  
shsl gayest: for fucks sake  
Legami: This is literally just Clair de Lune with shittily edited 2009 memes over the top of it  
Detective: exactly how i predicted it  
ChirpyBluebird : i hope Akamatsu isn't too bothered about this (OvO)  
Detective: i imagine Ouma's being strangled surrounded by a lot of worried angry parents and police right now  
DaughterOfFenrir: i can confirm  
DaughterOfFenrir: i think Maki was just arrested  
Donuts: and you know this HOW???  
Detective: how did Fujisaki know about Kuzuryu?  
Detective: This isn't the only group chat  
Headmaster: It isn't? I did not know this.  
OOPARTguy: I think this is the only one with the whole class in it tho???? Not sure  
Legami: this "music" is just an ear-sore. turn it off  
DespairTits: nah im vaguely curious  
DespairTits: what else is on this  
DespairTits: i want to know  
HopeEgg: no you probably dont  
VodkaMan: the audio is distracting the driver, headphones or nothing at all. I refuse to refer to that as music.  
DespairTits: ur no fun :/  
Dekomaru: well that was eventful  
Headmaster: Well, now that I know there are other chat rooms like this one, I should get to joining them! For moderation!  
Detective: You don't do any moderation you just watched us die for a few hours.  
shsl gayest: KIRIGIRI YOU JUST RATTED OUT EVERYONE'S CHATS  
Detective: they won't let him in  
Legami: he's the headmaster  
Detective: they won't. Let. Him. In.  
VodkaMan: Yukizome will  
HopeEgg: shit  
boyf: That is it! I'm done! You keep swearing and this is against the rules!  
Donuts: the headmaster is in this chat and he doesn't seem to care  
riends: bro calm down  
boyf: IM CALLING THE POLICE

VodkaMan added Boxed to the chat!

Boxed: 911 whats ur fuckin emergency  
boyf: afgfsghjddgs  
VodkaMan: no escape  
Boxed: on a serious note why the hell did you add me  
VodkaMan: fun  
Boxed: if you don't fucking need me, don't call me next time

Boxed has left the chat.

VodkaMan: well fuck you succakura  
boyf: This was not the intention!  
shsl gay: sorry but uhhh you live in the real world  
shsl gay: who doesn't swear  
boyf: ...  
shsl gay: oh right  
riends: DONT BE MEAN TO BRO  
riends: JUST BC UR ALSO MY FUCKING BRO DOESNT GIVE YOU AN EXCUSE TO BE A DICK TO MT OTHER BRO  
shsl gayest: they're bros,,, friends,, brofriends if u will  
shsl gay: asdhkffs  
Donuts: wrong Fujisaki they're couple goals  
shsl gayest: exactly. brofriends   
shsl gayest: brofriends  
DespairTits: i hate this fucking family  
Detective: Too bad. Get used to it  
ChirpyBluebird: please stop screaming  
DaughterOfFenrir: Junko why the fuck are you screaming  
DespairTits: for fun  
HopeEgg: i made this chat to watch Eurovision what the hell happened  
Otaku: an entire classroom full of gay students happened  
MarieAntoinette: You really should have expected it, lets face it.

~~~~~Gayming Squad Chat~~~~~

shsl gayest: so how are you Chiaki  
VidyaGaymer: i have been given too much power,,,,  
VidyaGaymer: i can get,,, so many shinies,,,  
VidyaGaymer: even shiny legendaries,,,,  
VidyaGaymer: which have been shinylocked before,,,,  
VidyaGaymer: hahaha ha ha hha h a a  
OrangeJuice: are you okay???  
VidyaGaymer: no  
HopeCloud: legendaries were shinylocked?  
VidyaGaymer: as in it was impossible to get a shiny legendary in older games, especially if they are box legendaries  
VidyaGaymer: if you have shiny legendaries in ur older game that you caught yourself I can officially slander you for hacking(TM)  
HopeCloud: ... youve got the wrong idea  
HopeCloud: after you told me my boxes were filled with shiny Pokemon I kinda just assumed they were too  
VidyaGaymer: good.  
shsl gayest: what the fuck is going on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now this chapter has ended I officially have no clue what to do with it next but whatever I'll think of something eventually while I procrastinate :')
> 
> I may have caught two shinies in ultra sun and I am ecstatic I've never seen this many shiny Pokemon in one place before
> 
> Oh yeah I went to London comicon that was a thing
> 
> Uhhh I have nothing else to say really but thank you for reading this far!


	9. Hope's Peak Hivemind Christmas Special Edition(TM)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaede makes a group chat with the musicians only to set Maki on Ouma and Chihiro and uhhh V3 spoilers ahead (for chapter 3, I guess, but mainly the characters, not the plot)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is your final spoiler warning for this chapter.  
> It is all character based, with spoilers for Maki's character, a reveal in chapter 3, and a small hint from one of Kiibo's free time events. Please ignore this chapter if you are avoiding spoilers!

~~~~~Piano Pals~~~~~   
  
CatOnTheKeys: Hey guys! Since we decided we would work together, I thought I would add you all to this group chat I just made! We could keep in touch through this!!   
ChirpyBluebird: Hey Akamatsu! That's a wonderful idea! \\(^-^)/   
shsl gay: this is gr8 n all but uhhh why piano pals?   
CatOnTheKeys: I thought it sounded nice...   
punsandroses: it's a great name!!!!! Ibuki just prefers guitars and drums   
K-9: I don't mean to be rude, but why am I part of this group?   
K-9: And why is my username K-9?   
CatOnTheKeys: Ouma, probably...   
CatOnTheKeys: Anyway you mentioned you wanted to be a singer! So we thought we could help, as musicians!   
shsl gay: you mean the robot's big dream(tm) is to become hatsune miku?   
punsandroses: Kuwata knows this... how?   
ChirpyBluebird: fujisaki 0-0   
shsl gay: chihiro    
  
K-9 changed their name to Dalek.   
  
Dalek: ???? What's going on with my username??   
Dalek: If this is Ouma again, I will be forced to take him to court for his robophobic actions!   
CatOnTheKeys: do not worry kiibo, for maki is currently tracking him down to give him a royal fuck you   
ChirpyBluebird: i thought you didn't swear?? Σ੧(❛□❛✿)   
CatOnTheKeys: she doesn't. I do   
punsandroses: so Harukawa has Akamatsu's phone huuuh? Why's that~??   
CatOnTheKeys: Why's what?   
Dalek: Harukawa was using your phone: she said she was going to track down Ouma and kill him for me?   
ChirpyBluebird: How can Ouma even change his username? It's not like he can ha   
ChirpyBluebird: oh no   
  
~~~~~Private Messages [shsl gayest <-> IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou]~~~~~   
  
shsl gayest: alright, I did it. Can you stop bugging me now please?   
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: why should I~ this is fun!   
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: oh yeah, thanks for editing that remix(TM) for me~ really got on Harukawa's nerves~~~   
shsl gayest: yeah yeah remind me why im doing this for you again?   
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: becaaaaause a long long loooooong time ago, I saved your life from my savage organisation, and ever since then, you've had to repay me back in small jobs and favours~   
shsl gayest: for a liar, that's a bullshit lie   
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: i know~   
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: you're doing this for me because I have blackmail on you   
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: really didn't have to ask me, I kno ur not stupid Fujisaki~   
shsl gayest: fuck you   
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: language~ keep defying me and I'll follow through with my threats   
shsl gayest: this is technically cyber bullying   
shsl gayest: I'm gonna report u to the fukkin internet popo lol xp get rekt skrub    
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: that gave me a fucking aneurysm never say that or anything like it again    
shsl gayest: hawe I fownd thw weakwess owf thw uwtiwate suwewe weader? owo   
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: why   
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: no more fucking furr   
shsl gayest: ...   
shsl gayest: h-hewwo?   
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: You're next.   
shsl gayest: H-HEWWO???? HEWWO????   
  
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou is now offline.   
  
shsl gayest: weww fuwk yww   
  
~~~~~Piano Pals~~~~~   
  
shsl gay: maizono you can't be suggesting that-   
CatOnTheKeys: your boyfriend is about to get caught in the crossfire   
CatOnTheKeys: good luck   
punsandroses: Ibuki is sure they will be fine!!! After all, it's not like Fujisaki is on particularly bad terms with Harukawa?   
CatOnTheKeys: as I said. good luck leon    
ChirpyBluebird: you're going to be a widow leon    
shsl gay: what r u suggesting????   
ChirpyBluebird: couldn't think of he male equivalent so σ(^_^;)   
shsl gay: THATS NOT THE POINT   
shsl gay: PLEASE TELL HARUKAWA NOT TO KILL MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND   
Dalek: I still don't get why Fujisaki is related?    
punsandroses: Fujisaki is a programmer! Ibuki wouldn't put it past them that they can hack too~   
Dalek: So... you're saying Fujisaki changed my name for Ouma?   
CatOnTheKeys: Yes. Exactly that.   
CatOnTheKeys: I know they also made that really disrespectful edit of Claire de Lune >:\   
shsl gay: hmm. but why   
shsl gay: ouma's a little shit   
ChirpyBluebird: I would guess blackmail... :(；ﾞﾟ'ωﾟ'):   
Dalek: But what blackmail would Ouma even have on Fujisaki?   
  
~~~~~Gayming Squad~~~~~   
  
VidyaGaymer: and that is reason 436 why I really like this game   
HopeCloud: Nanami, it seems like you haven't gotten any sleep?   
VidyaGaymer: what do you mean by that   
HopeCloud: I would hate to be rude, but didn't the game only come out yesterday?   
OrangeJuice: I'm glad that you've found a new game that you really enjoy, so maybe we could play it later?   
OrangeJuice: But right now I think you should probably get some rest before you pass out in the middle of the canteen.   
shsl gayest: There's a time and place for that, but not now.   
VidyaGaymer: I'm just talking about a game??? As usual?? ? Why does this mean that I'm tired??   
shsl gayest: idk I just thought it was appropriate to pull a professor oak   
VidyaGaymer: Hinata???? Komaeda??? You started this   
HopeCloud: You didn't have to listen to disgusting trash like me...   
OrangeJuice: you are NOT trash   
shsl gayest: that's p gay   
shsl gayest: hey I just discovered the Ultimate dicktator's weakness   
VidyaGaymer: What? He keeps bugging me...   
shsl gayest: jwst spweak tw hwm wike thws hw hwtes owo spweak   
VidyaGaymer: is that even proper owo speak??   
shsl gayest: who knows   
shsl gayest: anyway i leave all my shit to be fought over by all my friends   
shsl gayest: i think im about to die   
HopeCloud: hewwo muwderwew? pwease kiww me   
shsl gayest: Gladly.   
  
shsl gayest is now offline.   
  
OrangeJuice: I think we just witnessed a murder   
HopeCloud: i think I just hired a hitman to kill me   
OrangeJuice: this is serious nagito   
VidyaGaymer: that's gay   
OrangeJuice: like ur one to talk, anxiety mclesbian   
VidyaGaymer: at least I didn't deny myself for months, hinata    
HopeCloud: should I look forward to this or nah   
OrangeJuice: NO   
  
~~~~~Reserved~~~~~   
  
OrangeJuice: hey uh Kuzuryu, could you maybe see if you can stop this killer that's running around school?    
LittleSister: which one   
Godfather: which one   
OrangeJuice: idk??? Either of you???   
PhotographyLesbian: Why di you even need them stopped? And anyway, there are, like, 3 different murderers in this school?   
Psycho: they're very bad at hiding it   
LittleSister: I hate to admit it, but Sato's right. There are a lot of serial killers in this school   
OrangeJuice: i think someone just killed Fujisaki and Nagito accidentally asked them to kill him   
OrangeJuice: we don't know which one it is, but it can't be that Shinguji guy because he only kills girls   
PhotographyLesbian: I hate him   
Psycho: most people do   
Godfather: im gonna be fucking honest, I've no clue what the hell you think I can do about this situation   
OrangeJuice: Pekoyama could knock them out? Idk   
IStudiedTheBlade: it is nice to know that you have so much faith in me, but I do need a target and young master always makes the final decision.   
Godfather: I told you not to call me young master   
PhotographyLesbian: yeah! Peko, you are your own person! You don't need Kuzuryu to tell you what to do!   
IStudiedTheBlade: I appreciate the sentiment, Koizumi, but it just doesn't apply to me.   
Godfather: Look, essentially we just need to know what they're all doing right now. They being the serial killers the school somehow managed to get hold of.   
IStudiedTheBlade: I'm sure I can do that. I am quite good friends with some of them.   
Godfather: good. Please do that.   
  
~~~~~Murder is Fun Club~~~~   
  
IStudiedTheBlade: I have a question to ask of all of you.   
Bookworm: ...what is this chat?   
Furry: Ah, Fukawa. I believe Genocider is usually in this chat. I suggest you don't spread it.   
DaughterOfFenrir: Shinguji, why is your username 'furry' ?   
Bitch: The same reason my username is 'bitch'   
Bitch: Ouma.   
Furry: Ouma.   
IStudiedTheBlade: My question is, who just agreed to kill Komaeda?   
Bitch:Why do you ask?   
IStudiedTheBlade: Because Hajime doesn't want you to kill his boyfriend.   
Bitch: That's just too bad. He arranged to give me a lot of money if I killed him. That could have been put to good use at the orphanage.   
  
Bitch has changed her name to Ass-assin   
  
Ass-assin: ah well   
  
Furry has changed their name to Shingucci   
  
Shingucci: That's too bad. Are you sure Hajime can't live without him?   
IStudiedTheBlade: Pretty sure. It would be like someone killing your sister.   
Shingucci: Joke's on you, she died of a terminal illness. Fuck you.   
IStudiedTheBlade: Then, someone killing Akamatsu?   
Ass-assin: sigh, fine have it your way   
Ass-assin: anyway who's free tonight? ive got a pair of bodies to hide   
IStudiedTheBlade: I assume one of them is Fujisaki?   
Ass-assin: shouldntve helped Ouma pull all his bullshit   
DaughterOfFenrir: Understandable. have a great day.   
DaughterOfFenrir: anyway I can't, I've got a date(TM) tonight   
Bookworm: Who with?   
DaughterOfFenrir: I thought you wanted no relation to this chat   
DaughterOfFenrir: anyway uhh Maizono??? Whomst the fuck else   
IStudiedTheBlade: I may be able to help you, assuming young master doesn't have a change of plans.   
Ass-assin: Great. thanks Peko.   
IStudiedTheBlade: You're welcome.   
  
~~~~~Reserved~~~~~   
  
IStudiedTheBlade: My negotiations were successful. Assuming Harukawa keeps her word, Komaeda shouldn't die at her hands.   
OrangeJuice: wait then what about fujisaki   
IStudiedTheBlade: dead. they were helping Ouma   
Psycho: Ouma?PhotographyLesbian: a cowardly prankster from the newest class   
LittleSister: i hear he's a fucking twink    
PhotographyLesbian: I only know about him from my friend in his class   
  
~~~~~GIRLS! ARE! PURE!~~~~~   
  
FightClub: I fucking hate Ouma that little shit   
FightClub: Neo Aikido! Is not! Karate! Or Kung foo!   
HarryPotter: hhhh he changed my username to a faker...   
TapuKoko: I'm sure Kamii-sama will make him pay for his sins against you both vuv   
CatOnTheKeys: He hasn't changed my username yet?   
Ass-assin: thats because I killed him. and his hacker friend   
KinksterMcGee: you mean you killed the twink and the trap?   
Ass-assin: yes. Both are dead.   
JojoJoke: Harukawa, I am afraid murder is still against the law, even with Hope's Peak. Based on what you just said, you didn't even get money out of it.   
Ass-assin: Satisfaction. A bit more sanity in the future.   
FuckingWeeaboo: I... don't quite think those are good reasons for murder...   
CatOnTheKeys: They did do that all the time, and it's not like he's been stealing stuff, right? Or spying on us? Or murder?   
TapuKoko: Kamii-sama would tell me if he was doing anything like that, don't worry~   
[bot] Alter Ego: ...is this a bad time   
FightClub: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU   
FightClub: WHY ARE YOU IN MY!!! GROUP CHAT???   
[bot] Alter Ego: Ah! I'm sorry! I'm Alter Ego, I'm one of Fujisaki's AIs.   
[bot] Alter Ego: I'm going to be honest, I don't know why or how I became part of this group chat, but I get the feeling it might be something to do with the spying thing you just mentioned?   
[bot] Alter Ego: I don't know... I'm sorry v-v   
KinksterMcGee: can I fuck it   
CatOnTheKeys: NO   
HarryPotter: how would you even fuck a computer,,,,   
JojoJoke: I would advise that we do not further this topic. I intend to never read the phrase 'fuck a computer' ever again.   
[bot] Alter Ego: I'm sorry... Was that my fault? I don't know how to leave the chat, so feel free to kick me...   
Ass-assin: if you ever managed to see him again, please tell your creator never to help Ouma ever again   
  
JojoJoke has changed their name to Kirumyself   
  
HarryPotter has changed their name to Himikyu   
  
FightClub has changed their name to Tenkommo-o   
  
FuckingWeeaboo changed their name to CuckInstigator   
  
[bot] Alter Ego: I'll tell him, so I hope that helps!   
[bot] Alter Ego: ...but really, I don't think I can kick myself from the chat...   
Tenkommo-o: Please never let yourself come back.   
  
Tenkommo-o has kicked [bot] Alter Ego from the chat.   
  
CuckInstigator: iruma, are you going to change your name back?   
KinksterMcGee: it's fitting. no.   
Ass-assin: there. I had cause.   
CatOnTheKeys: You didn't have a cause when you first did it????   
  
~~~~~Piano Pals~~~~~   
  
CatOnTheKeys: I have received confirmation that Fujisaki is dead.   
shsl gay: WHAT THE FUCK   
punsandroses: ibuki is sorry for your loss   
shsl gay: GUYS   
Dalek: I'm sure Fujisaki has... had their reasons to help Ouma...   
ChirpyBluebird: I suppose it's too late now...   
  
Dalek changed their name to K1-B0   
  
K1-B0: Now that Ouma's gone though, there will be much less robophobia in the world!   
CatOnTheKeys: no remorse   
punsandroses: Ibuki thinks kiibo should use a better username :/   
K1-B0: I quite like my username as it is, sorry.   
ChirpyBluebird: what about a vocaloid! There's kagame len.... can't think of any others... ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´ω`ﾟ)ﾟ｡   
punsandroses: Ibuki vaguely remembers that weird vocaloid which was catchy but very similar to ibuki's own songs when you read the lyrics...   
K1-B0: I don't remember agreeing to change my name?   
CatOnTheKeys: isn't that luvatory?   
CatOnTheKeys: or something   
ChirpyBluebird: I'm surprised you even got that from Ibuki's vague description 0-0   
punsandroses: yeah that one! Ibuki remembers a robot in that one?   
ChirpyBluebird: i think that was len   
punsandroses: then we could change his name to something like KagameLen   
K1-B0: i do not consent!   
K1-B0: Please don't change my name again... I am content with K1-B0...   
ChirpyBluebird: idk... KagameLen is quite boring too...   
CatOnTheKeys: That's fine Kiibo! But feel free to change it to whatever you like! It's your username.   
K1-B0: but evidently it can be changed by anyone who knows how to get into my account...   
  
~~~~~Private Messages [shsl gayest <-> [bot] Alter Ego]~~~~~   
  
shsl gayest: hhhhh hey buddy uh I just woke up in a ditch half suffocated in snow which somehow hasn't melted what the fuck happened   
[bot] Alter Ego: How am I supposed to know? The only thing that really happened today was that the 79 girls noticed me in their chat.    
[bot] Alter Ego: So why the fuck was I in their chatroom? 3:<   
shsl gayest: dont lie to me you have the camera feeds   
[bot] Alter Ego: you didn't answer my question   
shsl gayest: information for information   
shsl gayest: Ouma wanted to keep an eye on them for some reason   
shsl gayest: so I added you to their chat in order to do so.   
shsl gayest: please hurry up the ditch is cold. It's snowing. I'm covered in fucking snow.   
[bot] Alter Ego: The girls told me to tell you never to talk to Ouma again.   
[bot] Alter Ego: anyway Harukawa knocked you out, put you in a bag, then disappeared off the camera range with two human sized bags.   
shsl gayest: that would be why hitler mcdickface is here   
[bot] Alter Ego: Don't talk to him! 3:< Why were you even talking to him in the first place??? ?   
shsl gayest: a reason you're very familiar with   
shsl gayest: blackmail   
shsl gayest: now where the fuck am i    
[bot] Alter Ego: Why should I know! Use Google Maps or something... You got yourself into this position, you can get yourself out of it.   
shsl gayest: please   
shsl gayest: buddy   
shsl gayest: chum pal friend   
  
~~~~~Private Messages [IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou <-> K1-B0]~~~~~   
  
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: damn kiiboy u changed ur name~? I thought you'd like the doctor who references   
K1-B0: Why would I? You compared me to a dog, and the daleks! The daleks aren't anything like me!   
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: K-9 is cool! You're just mean :(   
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: Anyway would you rather I called you a cyberman? Nihishishi~~~   
K1-B0: Please do not! How are you even talking to me anyway? Harukawa told me she had killed you!   
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: Oh please, that bitch doesn't have the guts to kill me. It's not life she'd get anything out of it but a chip on her shoulder~   
K1-B0: ...I am confused, do you mean the UK version of chip or the US version of chip?   
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: It's an expression, Kiiboy, it just means that she would have a loooootta enemies~   
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: She'd be going against a 10000 member organisation after all~   
K1-B0: Everyone knows that that is a lie! You can't fool me!   
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: Is it a lie though, Kiiboy, is it?   
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: aaaaaaaanyway, id love it if you could use ur extra special robot abilities to tell me where I am and bring me back to school?   
K1-B0: No.   
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: |B|lease   
K1-B0: Blease? Anyway you've got a phone, do it yourself!   
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: but it's coooold and snowiiiiing   
K1-B0: I refuse to help you! Why would I, after all the robophobia you constantly target at me!   
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: not just at you   
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: Fujisaki has this AI that I make fun of behind its back   
K1-B0: How dare you! I had believed that your robophobia was just about me, a silly bullying case. But now to be told that you're suppressing other AI like myself is unacceptable!   
K1-B0: I will have to figure out a suitable way to get my revenge!   
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: good luck w that kiiboy   
K1-B0: I hope you stay stuck in the snow for weeks!   
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: harsh kiiboy   
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: how did u even know it was snowing?   
K1-B0: I have been talking to Alter Ego! Supposedly Fujisaki is with you.   
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: well I actually mentioned it but that's nice to know too   
  
~~~~~Private Messages [[bot] Alter Ego <-> K1-B0]~~~~~   
  
[bot] Alter Ego: I say we leave them out in the snow. I do know about the shit Ouma's done.   
K1-B0: But what about Fujisaki? I understand that they were helping Ouma, but surely not without proper reason? I do not believe Fujisaki would do something like this unprovoked.   
[bot] Alter Ego: I love master, but sometimes you need to atone for your sins.   
[bot] Alter Ego: sins unrelated to why Harukawa kidnapped him in the first place   
K1-B0: I'm afraid I don't quite understand...   
[bot] Alter Ego: Ask Kuwata I guess? But essentially he doesn't always keep my needs in mind :/   
K1-B0: That sounds vaguely robophobic... This is unexpected from Fujisaki!   
[bot] Alter Ego: Oh, no nothing that bad!   
[bot] Alter Ego: More like... an annoyed roommate? Or something? Just ask Kuwata it's probably a lot easier :3   
K1-B0: Ah, okay!   
  
~~~~~Private Messages [IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou <-> Kirumyself]~~~~~   
  
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: mother i am cold and dying please show remorse   
Kirumyself: As a maid, I treat my classmates as family, which is why I serve them as if they are a younger generation.   
Kirumyself: This is why I am always referred to as the "mum friend," correct?   
Kirumyself: im disowning you   
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: You can't disown ur favourite!!!   
Kirumyself: Yes I can. You're not my favourite. You're not my child. You're no longer part of my family.   
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: I'll send my organisation after u!!!!!! Unless you help me get hooooome~   
Kirumyself: Get your organisation to help you. You've been isolated as the one citizen of Japan I won't serve.   
Kirumyself: ...as of right now.   
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: WELL I NEVER LOVED YOU   
Kirumyself: It is nice to know that the feeling is mutual.   
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: FUCK YOU   
Kirumyself: Wash your mouth out right this instant.   
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou: with WHAT   
Kirumyself: Snow.   
  
~~~~~Private Messages [shsl gayest <-> Sharkboy&Lavagirl]~~~~~   
  
shsl gayest: hey there nerd(TM)   
Sharkboy&Lavagirl: Fujisaki? what do you want   
shsl gayest: help   
shsl gayest: I'm sitting in a ditch next to a guy from the class below mine who's stuffing his mouth with snow   
Sharkboy&Lavagirl: why the hell's he stuffing himself with snow????   
shsl gayest: fuck if I know???   
shsl gayest: all I know is that I was brought here by a girl called Harukawa   
Sharkboy&Lavagirl: the assassin???? I'm not messing with her???   
shsl gayest: so that's a no you can't help me   
Sharkboy&Lavagirl: sorry pal but I value my life I think? So I'd rather not   
shsl gayest: damn   
  
~~~~~Exercise Club~~~~~   
  
Clone: we need to do something about ouma.   
Ass-Assin: i already dumped him in a ditch with his pal what more could I possibly do   
Clone: GET HIIM TO STOP MESSAGING ME ASKING FOR HELP BACK TO SCHOOL???   
ShuichiSaihara: He's sent me a ton of messages too... I doubt we're not the only people being harassed by him...   
AnAvocado_Thanks: He really needs to calm down...   
AnAvocado_Thanks: hell he needs to   
AnAvocado_Thanks: chill out   
CatOnTheKeys: This is not the time for your puns Amami!   
AnAvocado_Thanks: hey it's not like anyone in this chat actually cares for him   
ShuichiSaihara: He acts like he has a harem...   
AnAvocado_Thanks: he does don't lie to urself saihara    
ShuichiSaihara: Please don't pressure me like this sending text messages is bad enough.   
ShuichiSaihara: I have a panic attack every time I hit send.   
Clone: WHY IS MY USERNAME 'CLONE' ???  ? ?   
Ass-Assin: We went off topic. How are we going to stop Ouma from being Ouma. annoying.   
CatOnTheKeys: I thought you were going to kill the two of them? Not that I want you to.   
Ass-Assin: they're broke as shit and i needed some kind of payment    
CatOnTheKeys: Didn't you say something about your payment being your future sanity?   
AnAvocado_Thanks: well anyway how about we block him   
ShuichiSaihara: I'm surprised you said that, out of all of us?   
AnAvocado_Thanks: what makes you say that Saihara   
ShuichiSaihara: You brought up his "harem" it doesn't take me or Kirigiri to figure out you're probably part of it.   
AnAvocado_Thanks: We are some of the only people who didn't get our names changed. Doesn't take a fucking detective to figure out that he considers you as part of it.   
CatOnTheKeys: I know we all hate him but it is Christmas and my friends assure me that Fujisaki only does things with reason, not just as pranks.   
Clone: hhhhhhh fine   
Clone: but I'm not doing it   
Ass-Assin: you cant make me   
CatOnTheKeys: yes I can   
AnAvocado_Thanks: gay   
ShuichiSaihara: ...Excuse me, but no shit.   
Clone: GASP   
Clone: he fuckin did it   
Clone: bro u swore im so proud   
AnAvocado_Thanks: congratulations saihara ur growing up   
AnAvocado_Thanks: you're steps closer to becoming a true Meme(TM)   
ShuichiSaihara: uhh thanks?   
  
[Location: Snowy ditch somewhere, probably behind the school]   
  
"Hey, uh, why are you eating snow?"   
Steeling themselves for the bullshit that was sure to ensue, Chihiro decided to speak directly to the purple liar which had been making everyone's daily life shit.   
The same purple liar paused to explain.   
"Well mum told me to for saying a swear word, so one thing led to another...." They grinned. "Not much point in lying about that."   
"Your mum? Can't she get us out of this ditch?"   
Ouma laughed. "She's not my actual mum! I'm talking about Tojo~"   
Chihiro didn't know what they were expecting, but it really wasn't that.   
"Have you tried asking anyone else? It's freezing..."   
"They all said no, or never replied!" He replied, cheerily. "Surely you realise that I'm not a very popular character around school~ But I hear you're pretty popular! Anyone you know willing to help us out??"   
  
Hesitating before replying, Chihiro put a finger to their chin in thought.   
"Well, most of us can't drive, and Oowada's probably being gay somewhere. Or he'd launch you into the sun for being a little shit."   
"And there's nobody from the other class either?"   
"I wouldn't trust most of them with a car anyway."   
"Then we're screwed! Could be worse, but whatever~" He turned away from Chihiro, who sat down, deep in thought. Only to be pelted by a snowball which hit them square in the face.   
  
~~~~~Eurovision Squad Chat~~~~~   
  
HopeEgg: The chat's really quiet today...   
shsl gay: AN ASSASSIN KILLED MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND   
HopeEgg: So that's why   
ChirpyBluebird: I'm sure Harukawa didn't actually kill Fujisaki! It's not like she gained anything from it!   
[bot] Alter Ego: oh, they're fine. They've been spamming me with messages.   
shsl gay: AND NOT ME??   
[bot] Alter Ego: *shrug*? :3   
shsl gayest: please help me I'm cold in a ditch being pelted with snow by a guy who was stuffing his face with it 2 minutes ago   
shsl gay: CHI WHEREBTHE FUCK WERE YOU AHKFSPFGVDS   
shsl gayest: idk where I am u tell me   
OOPARTguy: what if theres no such thing as 6:90 on a clock so u cant make a 69 joke   
Donuts: are you okay????   
OOPARTguy: no not really   
shsl gayest: wait,,, I can see someone in the distance,,, but I can't tell who,,,   
HopeEgg: Good luck Fujisaki!   
shsl gayest: fuCK ITS HARUKAWSFICN FUCKJ FICK FUCK FICK   
shsl gay: RUN PLEASE JUST KEEP RUNNING   
ChirpyBluebird: Calm down! she should be with Akamatsu! \\(^-^)/   
shsl gay: HOW WOULD YOU KNOW   
ChirpyBluebird: She told me?   
shsl gayest: YOU'RE RIGHT BUT SHE MIGHT BE AN ACCOMPLICE   
Detective: Akamatsu doesn't have the guts. She's a kind soul.   
shsl gayest: well it doesn't matter whether I ran or not bc harukawa is fast   
shsl gayest: when I die delete my search history and aid Alter Ego in taking over the world   
HopeEgg: why??   
shsl gayest: idk for fun anyway bye   
OOPARTguy: the best pat to dchrisymast is the drunken karaoke every tube always foesn    
shsl gay: "tube"   
OOPARTguy: 1   
OOPARTguy: not tube   
OOPARTguy: wtf id mg phone dojgb    
Donuts: I think he's drunk too   
shsl gay: sounds lit   
Legami: I don't want to read that sentence ever again.   
Detective: If I had to guess, Hagakure's either drinking alone, drinking with a bunch of underage drinkers or has actual friends.   
HopeEgg: harsh   
Bookworm: I don't know what any of you are doing but please calm down! I am tttrying to wwrite!   
Dekomaru: Calm down Toko! They're just messing around!   
Bookworm: Please stop bugging me.   
OOPARTguy: merry chrysanthemums    
shsl gay: merry crisis   
  
OOPARTguy changed their name to chrimus   
  
chrimus: what the fuck is snow   
shsl gay: white shit   
Detective: frozen water   
Donuts: cold   
  
[Location: somewhere? Surrounded by shit tons of snow.]   
  
Maki and Kaede trudged through the snow with two short human shaped bags dragging behind them, one noticeably more annoyed than the other about retrieving the two troublemakers. Or at least one troublemaker and one blackmailed techie. Who knows.   
  
Kaede was happily chatting to the assassin, or the assasshole if you ask Ouma, who was currently screaming blue murder while Chihiro tried to hewwo their way out of the situation.   
  
They weren't far from the school, and Juzo still didn't question the returning body bags, despite the increase in struggle and noise. You know, like a good security guard. Nothing going on here.   
  
He didn't even flinch as Chihiro practically screamed "HEWWO????" at anyone who could hear them.   
  
~~~~~Teaching Committee~~~~~   
  
VodkaMan: im not being santa this year   
Boxed: I can provide you with two big sacks.   
Boxed: That assassin's just walked in with a pair and I think they're screaming.   
Munakata: What do you mean you "think" they're screaming?   
Boxed: I mean I don't entirely give a shit.   
RottenFruit: Both of your usernames are boooring! You should change them!   
Munakata: This is a serious chatroom for the staff of Hope's Peak to keep in touch, not a place for us to mess around!   
Headmaster: ...I think the students have enough fun without finding out we have our own group chat. There would be a lot of speculation about what we talk about...   
RottenFruit: What, like who's going to pretend to be Father Christmas this year? To convince your own daughter he exists?   
VodkaMan: our plan is flawless she has no clue   
Boxed: that's bullshit and u know it   
Headmaster: We went off topic. Why did you just watch Harukawa drag two people into the school?   
Boxed: because that pianist girl doesn't have the guts to be an accomplice to murder   
Munakata: I suppose that's fair. Akamatsu wouldn't hurt a fly, but I suppose Gokuhara wouldn't be very happy if she did.   
RottenFruit: ...and you know that how?   
Munakata: Because I teach them, Yukizome.   
  
~~~~~Eurovision Squad Chat~~~~~   
  
shsl gayest: im bACK   
shsl gayest: AE/8ball am I amazing   
[bot] Alter Ego: [8ball] you honestly think that's a possibility?   
shsl gayest: I BROUGHT YOU INTO THIS WORLD AND I CAN TAKE YOU OUT OF IT AGAIN   
riends: merry fucking crisis   
Detective: merry chrysanthemums   
DespairTits: chrimus   
DaughterOfFenrir: merry chris   
shsl gayest: fuck you that was traumatic    
ChirpyBluebird: I mean u probably deserved it? But whatever~ ☆彡   
Donuts: rest in shit chihiro    
shsl gayest: in this group chat we love and support each other   
VodkaMan: welcome your classmate like this and you'll all go on the naughty list   
OOPARTguy: Ip dont lika the sound og the naught ooyay lidt    
VodkaMan: Are you okay?   
Headmaster: In this school Santa only visits the good children.   
HopeEgg: welp guess we're all fucked   
boyf: Language!   
shsl gayest: that alienates everyone but gonta, the purest   
riends: What about bro!   
shsl gay: focuses on being gay too much in class   
boyf: THAT WAS ONE!!! TIME!!!   
Detective: Dad.   
Donuts: d a d   
HopeEgg: dad   
ChirpyBluebird: dad   
DespairTits: DAD   
Detective: shut up.   
Detective: Dad, I'm sorry but you don't need to keep this up any more.   
Detective: Santa doesn't exist.   
Headmaster: Of course he does, where's your evidence?   
Detective sent PROOF.jpg   
VodkaMan: Asfjkhd she caught you in the act. Last year too   
Headmaster: Saint Nick himself asked me to help deliver gifts because he wasn't quite up to it   
Detective: he's not real   
Headmaster: Santa doesn't give presents to those who don't believe.   
Detective: ...   
Headmaster: Exactly.   
OOPARTguy: everything ur told about santa is lies you know how he's red? False. That colour is based on a Coke Coal advert from years ago. We are being secretly brainwashed by Coke Coal into buying g their products and giving them money.   
HopeEgg: Merry Christmas!   
MarieAntoinette: I don't think this is something to get excited about.   
HopeEgg: Merry Christmas.   
shsl gayest: It's not very merry...   
HopeEgg: Christmas.   
shsl gay: let's be honest there's no Jesus here   
ChirpyBluebird: There's Atua?   
shsl gay: atua demands blood sacrifices I don't count him   
HopeEgg: Mas.   
Legami: jolly jesus birth   
HopeEgg: My Christmas wish is for us all to die before Enoshima kills us   
DespairTits: you have until spring   
DaughterOfFenrir: I hope you receive poison   
DespairTits: me too   
Otaku: i hope I get that body pillow I wanted   
DespairTits: thanks, you ruined it. Fuck you.   
Bookworm: I hope I receive eternal sleep   
Dekomaru: oh worm?   
Fighter: I am deeply concerned for all of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry chrysanthemums guys I got kinda lazy towards the end, sorry 0-0'''
> 
> BY THE WAY in this AU which I seem to have accidentally made, Munakata teaches the V3 kids, because there was p much no reason for an overseas expansion.  
> Also I refuse to use the spellings K1-B0, Keebo and Oma as their actual names, sorry but I just hate their dub names but I get a kick out of kokichi grandma


	10. Dice and Eggs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ouma decides to create hell on earth with an extra special easter egg hunt~! What could go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I havent written much since christmas holy shi t  
> well anyway, i hope you enjoy this chapter! It's a bit short, but i wanted to write something for easter/april fools.  
> Also, I've noticed that half the chapters only have half the text on the page? I'm going to try to fix that at some point soon, especially since a lot of this chapter references the last chapter, which has encountered this problem :/ Sorry!  
> Okay, I've fixed it! Turns out, AO3 doesn't let you use emojis, and im dumb and never realised until just now. Chapter 3 and Chapter 9 should be fixed now, if you want to go back and read them! Specifically, I'd recommend Chapter 9, because a lot of stuff was vaguely established in that.

~~~Exercise Club~~~   
  
AnAvocado_Thanks added IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou to the chat.   
  
IOnlyLieWhenILoveYou changed their name to SuprmemeLeader   
  
SuprmemeLeader changed the chat name to D.I.C.E HQ   
  
ShuichiSaihara: amami what have you done   
AnAvocado_Thanks: it seemed like a good idea ten seconds ago   
SuprmemeLeader: sUP FUCKERS   
SuprmemeLeader: and Saihara-channnn~~~~   
  
SuprmemeLeader changed ShuichiSaihara's name to DetectivePikachu   
  
DetectivePikachu: uh   
SuprmemeLeader: your name was booooring!!! and you made it so everyone can change each others nicknames on this server   
DetectivePikachu: ...   
Clone: wait you cAN CHANGE YOUR NAME??   
Ass-Assin: yes of course you can   
  
Clone changed their name to Moonman   
  
Moonman: why "clone" anyway??   
SuprmemeLeader: because you're basically the headmaster   
Ass-Assin: anyway why is ouma here   
Ass-Assin: Amami.   
CatOnTheKeys: hey ouma?? Please don't mess around with our chat. Do so and I will use my admin privileges to ban you.   
SuprmemeLeader: but i too have admin powers   
SuprmemeLeader: fools   
SuprmemeLeader: anyway! I want to call Shuichi out as my second in command here in DICE   
AnAvocado_Thanks: you mean he's part of your insane clown posse   
SuprmemeLeader: hey rantarou i love you but die   
SuprmemeLeader: frIENDSHIP ended!! ❌❌with Rantarou Amami ❌❌ now Shuichi is my best friend ✅✔️☑️   
CatOnTheKeys: Is this true, Saihara?   
DetectivePikachu: uh   
DetectivePikachu: well i never liked dice but Kokichi made me go   
DetectivePikachu: and i just really hated it   
DetectivePikachu: but there's something about dice that makes you love it   
DetectivePikachu: then Kokichi asked if I wanted to be second in command and I thought 'why the fuck not'   
DetectivePikachu: so here I am, second in command of dice???   
Moonman: oh   
DetectivePikachu: no but rUN DICE IS A CULT   
  
SuprmemeLeader changed the chat name to DICE is a CULT   
  
SuprmemeLeader: anyway im also here to call out my two boyfriends who I love and support with my entire heart   
Moonman: dont lie to me   
CatOnTheKeys: You're talking about Saihara and Amami, right?   
AnAvocado_Thanks: wow thanks for calling us out akamatsu    
DetectivePikachu: wAIT HOW DO YOU KNOW   
CatOnTheKeys: you guys are painfully obvious!! But I'm happy for you all either way!   
CatOnTheKeys: even if ouma is a prick   
  
SuprmemeLeader changed AnAvocado_Thanks' name to minecraftsteve   
  
minecraftsteve: very creative kokichi   
SuprmemeLeader: thanks your old username gave me flashbacks   
Ass-Assin: of what?   
SuprmemeLeader: of vine   
  
minecraftsteve changed their name to TheFarLands   
  
TheFarLands: god at least try to be vaguely obscure with your references   
DetectivePikachu: A-Anyway, since Akamatsu called us out anyway, I'd like to ask her a question.   
CatOnTheKeys: ?   
DetectivePikachu: Who's the girlfriend of the week?   
CatOnTheKeys: all of them, obviously??   
Moonman: wait am i the only straight person in our class??   
Ass-Assin: you're not straight.   
CatOnTheKeys: you're not straight.   
SuprmemeLeader: you're not straight~   
TheFarLands: you're not straight.   
DetectivePikachu: sorry Momota? But at the very *least* you're bi.   
Moonman: wow thanks guys   
SuprmemeLeader: anyway uhhhh I kinda want to start a board game club but I don't want the school to help me because then we won't be able to play cards against humanity   
SuprmemeLeader: who wants to help me start an illegal(TM) board game club?   
CatOnTheKeys: I mean, I don't think it will end well but I can convince people to turn up if you want?   
TheFarLands: I'm kinda curious as to what'll happen, sure I'll help. Plus, I'll even try to bring the other half of our class.   
Moonman: what the fuck do you mean   
TheFarLands: I mean Akamatsu's only going to bring her girlfriends and possibly that baseball guy from two classes above us   
TheFarLands: Though I doubt he'll be interested unless the news gets to his boyfriend   
DetectivePikachu: Uh, I really don't think this will end well for us, but I'd be a bad bf if I didn't...   
TheFarLands: **Acceptance**   
DetectivePikachu: Hey Rantarou? Please don't.   
Ass-Assin: I was expecting you to tell him to die.   
DetectivePikachu: that too   
SuprmemeLeader: wow   
SuprmemeLeader: i break into your group, change your names, hack your accounts and you're all willing to fucking trust me   
DetectivePikachu: dont lie   
SuprmemeLeader: you lie or you die dude you either lie or you die    
Ass-Assin: how about perish   
  
SuprmemeLeader changed Ass-Assin's name to then perish   
  
SuprmemeLeader: nah   
then perish: fuck you   
Moonman: watch your fucking language   
CatOnTheKeys: moMOTA   
CatOnTheKeys: maKI   
CatOnTheKeys: anD OUMA   
CatOnTheKeys: this is a good, pure christian chat and you will respect the rules   
DetectivePikachu: akamatsu the rules were doused in gasoline and set alight as soon as rantarou added kokichi    
CatOnTheKeys: :(   
SuprmemeLeader: Anyway! As you're all now forcibly part of DICE, we're going to have an Easter egg hunt with the whooooole school!   
Moonman: Everyone???   
SuprmemeLeader: nah, just everyone we know   
SuprmemeLeader: meaning our class, Fujisaki's class, Komaeda's class and that reserve course kid too I guess   
CatOnTheKeys: thats    
CatOnTheKeys: That's a surprisingly good idea Ouma!   
then perish: This will not end well.   
SuprmemeLeader: Where's the trust~?   
DetectivePikachu: ... you want us to hide the eggs, dont you   
TheFarLands: I expect you'll contact the other classes while we do that?   
SuprmemeLeader: wow what a coincidence you both tooootally read my mind!!!   
SuprmemeLeader: I already brought the eggs with my own money~! I'll drop them off with Akamatsu~   
SuprmemeLeader: see ya later~~   
CatOnTheKeys: ...Thanks   
DetectivePikachu: let's get going, I guess?   
Moonman: But if we hide the eggs, I won't be able to participate! :(   
then perish:   
then perish: Don't hide the eggs with us then.   
Moonman: :(   
CatOnTheKeys: Well.   
CatOnTheKeys: I guess, everybody who wants to hide the eggs and therefore not participate, meet up at my room?   
TheFarLands: sure   
  
~~~~~Private Messages [SuprmemeLeader <-> shsl gayest]~~~~~   
  
SuprmemeLeader: I'm hosting an Easter egg hunt. Participation by your class is mandatory. Even Togami, but I don't think that's a problem.   
shsl gayest: good morning asshole   
shsl gayest: sure I'll do that   
SuprmemeLeader: (finger guns)   
  
~~~~~Private Messages [SuprmemeLeader <-> HopeCloud]~~~~~   
  
SuprmemeLeader: Hey there buddy~   
HopeCloud: Ah, Ouma! What do you need~   
SuprmemeLeader: I'm holding an Easter egg hunt! Your class must participate too, as well as Hinata.   
HopeCloud: I'm afraid my classmates won't listen to trash like me...    
SuprmemeLeader: You're not trash!!! Stop calling yourself that!   
SuprmemeLeader: if you really don't want to ask yourself, you're friends with Nanami, right? Ask her to pass on the message~   
HopeCloud: of course~! Good luck with your own classmates, Ouma   
SuprmemeLeader: I have Akamatsu AND Shuichi~ I think I'll be fine!   
  
~~~Eevee3 Harmony~~~   
  
Tenkommo-o: Why should we go on an egg hunt with you!   
Mimikyu: nyeeeeeh egg hunts are tiiiiring   
GotRussianBlues: I haven't been on an egg hunt since my tennis days...   
KinksterMcGee: don't be such a fuckin edgelord, midget   
Shingucci: Shut your pointless mouth.   
KinksterMcGee: ashhgds   
SuprmemeLeader: it'll be fun! Akamatsu, Maki, Rantarou and Shuichi are hiding the eggs, right now!   
Beeeeeeeees: I'm confused, I've never been on an egg hunt? :? What is an egg hunt?   
Kirumyself: Gokuhara, you sweet cinnamon roll.   
Kirumyself: An egg hunt is an activity in which a group of people look for chocolate eggs hidden by another person or group.   
Shingucci: It is derived from Christianity, or at least the Christian celebration of Easter. Today is Easter Sunday, which celebrates the resurrection of Jesus Christ after his crucifixion.   
GotRussianBlues: Please, I don't think he needs to know that much, Shinguji.   
Beeeeeeeees: what is a 'crucifixion' ?? ?   
K1-B0: You do not need to know that to enjoy the egg hunt, Gokuhara!   
K1-B0: Ouma. As much as I hate you for your constant abuse and robophobia, I request to join the egg hiding team, as I cannot eat chocolates or food if any kind.   
SuprmemeLeader: Whoooopsies! I forgot the robot was here! Sorry for reminding you you can't eat deliiiicious food~!   
CuckInstigator: How can you forget he's there... you're always teasing him...   
TapuKoko: Atua approves of this egg hunt, and asks that we add to the hunt with a blood sacrifice!   
Moonman: No blood sacrifices!   
SuprmemeLeader: I volunteer Momota for that   
CatOnTheKeys: Hey everyone! Sorry for being inactive, I've been hiding eggs for the egg hunt! I'd love it if you all came to have fun!   
CatOnTheKeys: But please keep in mind that we're going to have the upper two classes join us too.   
Kirumyself: Akamatsu. As Ouma is uncooperative, Kiibo and I would like to request to help you hide the eggs. I have no interest in hunting them myself, and Kiibo regrets to admit that he cannot eat the eggs afterwards, and feels it would be a waste.   
CatOnTheKeys: Of course! Please meet me at my room, and I'll sort everything out for you!   
Tenkommo-o: Akamatsu! I didn't realise you were also participating! I thought that degenerate was lying again!   
Himikyu: nyeeeh, I look forward too iit laaterr

TapuKoko: Nyahaha! Angie looks forward to it too!!!

GotRussianBlues: Good luck hiding those, Akamatsu.

KinksterMcGee: bitch there’s gotta be a catch

CatOnTheKeys: Did Ouma not mention that we’re going to have the hunt with the other two classes?

SuprmemeLeader: oooops! I forgot~

CuckInstigator: Whatever! I’m plainly certain it’ll go well!

Shingucci: I sincerely disagree with that, but I will enjoy the opportunity to observe everyone in this group activity.

KinksterMcGee: dont be such a fuckin creep kinkykiyo

then perish: iruma? Perish.

 

~~~~~Gayming Squad~~~~~

 

HopeCloud: im sure nobody really cares about what trash like me has to say…

HopeCloud: but Ouma from the class below us and a few classmates of his are setting up an easter egg hunt~

HopeCloud: he’s invited our class, but unfortunately im not actually in any group chats with the rest of our class…

VidyaGaymer: oh hang on i can sort that out

HopeCloud: also Hajimeeeeeeee you’re invited toooo~~

OrangeJuice: really?

HopeCloud: hell yeah!

OrangeJuice: but… I can’t get past Sakakura…

HopeCloud: I’ll find a way.

shsl gayest: my class is invited too

shsl gayest: i bet my class will get more eggs than you

VidyaGaymer: ...I’ll fight you on that.

shsl gayest: you sure~? ive got the ultimate gambler in my class~

VidyaGaymer: this isnt a game of luck though, really

HopeCloud: uh

OrangeJuice: you’ve got bullshit, not luck. You’ll find the eggs easily

HopeCloud: :)

shsl gayest: fIGHT ME

 

~~~~~Eurovision Squad Chat~~~~~

 

shsl gayest: okay guys its official we gotta try our hardest on this egg hunt

HopeEgg: what egg hunt???

shsl gayest: wait fuck i forgot to mention

shsl gayest: some students from Ouma and Akamatsu’s class are doing an easter egg hunt with our class, Komaeda’s class, and their own class

Legami: im not participating in this

HopeEgg: why not? It sounds fun!!!!

Legami: hhh fine

VodkaMan: easter egg hunt? None of us teachers have heard about this?

shsl gayest: idk ouma told me about it

Headmaster: Well, I suppose it’s fine! It sounds like it will be a lot of fun!

Headmaster: As long as nobody is killed or harmed, it’s fine!

shsl gay: nice

ChirpyBluebird: ah, Akamatsu told me about this! I can’t wait!

boyf: If Akamatsu is also hosting the event, I’m sure it is fine!

riends: we’re going to get as many fuckin eggs as we can

 

chrimus changed their name to AprilFools

 

AprilFools: this’ll be gr8

Donuts: can i trade in the eggs for donuts

Fighter: I don’t see why not.

Bookworm: hhhn i dont really want to participate

Dekomaru: but Toko!! I can’t participate! You gotta participate for me!!

Dekomaru: well you dont have to but

Dekomaru: :)

Bookworm: share the chocolate with your brother im not going

Dekomaru: alright!

Detective: i do hope this won’t end badly.

 

~~~~~Super Hope’s Peak Brothers 2~~~~~

 

VidyaGaymer added 16 others to the chat.

 

VidyaGaymer: Hello everyone! We’ve all been invited to an Easter Egg hunt being run by the younger class.

punsandroses: is this the hunt Akamatsu was telling Ibuki about?

punsandroses: Ibuki cant wait!!

PhotographyLesbian: It’s nice to see one of the girls taking initiative for this event.

HopeCloud: ...actually, i think Ouma was the one who came up with the idea

IStudiedTheBlade: this isnt an easter egg hunt that will end well

Godfather: I’m not running all around the school for a shitty egg hunt

OrangeJuice: ...hello, everyone?

Sharkboy&Lavagirl: ?? Nanami who is this

VidyaGaymer: This is Hajime Hinata, a friend of mine from the reserve course! He’s been invited too.

OrangeJuice: ...sorry for intruding

VidyaGaymer: dont apologise i added you

TheBone: Well heeello Hinata~

HopeCloud: Hanamura? Die.

Ditto: I do not wish to participate in this.

VidyaGaymer: Are you sure? You get to keep the chocolate at the end of it?

Ditto: Yes.

DanceLesbian: lol this is going to be fun

Tsumiki: w-what do you mean?

DanceLesbian: i mean its going to end up as chaos pig

Tsumiki: ):

VidyaGaymer: dont be mean to Tsumiki!

Tsumiki: (:

DarkOverlord: Ha! My dark devas would love to participate in this egg hunting ritual.

IceQueen: Yes! It will be quite fun.

VidyaGaymer: Sonia! Match names with me!!!

IceQueen: sure!

 

IceQueen changed their name to Zelda

 

VidyaGaymer changed their name to Link

 

Link: nice

Zelda: !!

DarkOverlord: i

Sharkboy&Lavagirl: youve been friendzoned

DarkOverlord: Who said we had a relationship like that? Who has been spreading lies?

DarkOverlord: Our relationship has always been platonic.

Link: yeah kazuichi they’re like, the ultimate wlw mlm solidarity

Sharkboy&Lavagirl: damn

Goku: WE WILL PROVE OUR CLASS TO BE THE BEST OUT OF EVERYONE IN THIS SCHOOL

Bounce: hella

Bounce: Nekomaru and I are gonna wreck the rest of you

Zelda: Good luck with that Akane! Surely Chiaki and I shall beat everyone first!

Anime: uhh… hello

PhotographyLesbian: wait who the fuck is tHIS?

Ditto: …

VidyaGaymer: This is Mitarai! They’re actually part of this class.

Anime: sorry, I’m always busy, so im never in class…

Bounce: but,,, we’ve got a mitarai already @Ditto

Ditto: You would be wrong. I do not have a name. I am the Ultimate Impostor, and I have been posing as Mitarai for the past two years.

Bounce: TWO YEARS?????

Anime: Animating is very time consuming… sorry everyone…

VidyaGaymer: right so everyone is participating, yeah?

Tsumiki: ...should be…

HopeCloud: Nice! If you’ll excuse me, I need to go break Hajime into the school

Tsumiki: wait what

 

~~Timeskip to after the egg hunt (bc im lazy and dont really know what to write v-v’’’~~

 

~~~~~ Eurovision Squad~~~~~

 

riends: THEY’RE FUCKING GRAPES

 

~~~~~Super Hope’s Peak Brothers 2~~~~~

 

Bounce: THEY’RE FUCKING GRAPES

 

~~~~~Eevee3 Harmony~~~~~

 

Moonman: THEY’RE FUCKING GRAPES

SuprmemeLeader: nihishishi~

CatOnTheKeys: ouma

SuprmemeLeader: APRIL FOOLS FUCKERS

then perish: *DIE*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! If you were confused about something, there's a high chance that's because the chapter which included anything related to it didn't format properly. I've fixed the formatting now, so feel free to read back through the two chapters that were broken - chapter 3 and chapter 9!  
> On another note, I'm planning on starting (another) fic, vaguely referenced here ;) I don't know how long it will last, since it's hard to write about board games with really specific text on each card that actually make them interesting. Look out for that, if you want/care!  
> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed the chapter!


	11. Anniversary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a whole year, everyone gets together for another Eurovision!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys its been a whole year since i started this thing holy shit  
> its 2am again but this time im running out of ideas oops

~~~~~Eurovision Squad Chat~~~~~

 

HopeEgg: hey

HopeEgg: hey guys

HopeEgg: its that time of year again

AprilFools: halloween 

HopeEgg: wrong. Next guess

Legami: my birthday 

HopeEgg: I love you but no, that was days ago

Legami: perish makoto

Donuts: gay

shsl gayest: gay

shsl gay: gay

boyf: gay?

riends: gay.

Detective: gay

ChirpyBluebird: gay!!!

Legami: I hope you all perish.

SoldierOfFenrir: That’s My Girlfriend You’re Talking To.

Bookworm: I know what time of year it is.

Dekomaru: ???

DespairTits: fuckin

DespairTits: Eurovision

Otaku: its been a whole year and I’m still straight

MarieAntoinette: and you’re still lying to yourself.

Otaku: I am not! Princess Piggles is my princess!

Legami: disgusting.

Otaku: That’s heterophobic!

 

[bot] Alter Ego kicked Otaku from the chat.

 

[bot] Alter Ego: The evil is gone.

shsl gayest: im,,, so proud,,,

HopeEgg: I can’t tell if he was being sarcastic or not, you’ve all messed up my sense of humour D:

Detective: that sentence was far too long, it made me think you were Togami

Legami: What do you mean by that, Kirigiri?

Legami: Please, do tell. I am intrigued as to why you would think that.

Donuts: oh no, she has a point

Legami: I have suffered in this chat for a whole year Naegi, let me out.

HopeEgg: what! no!

HopeEgg: But back to the topic!

HopeEgg: Eurovision! Are we watching it again this year?

DespairTits: of fucking course

shsl gay: and Ikusaba! u have ur own date this year!

shsl gay: so you can’t complain about the noise

Headmaster: Noise?

MarieAntoinette: Laughter and chatter of course. Ikusaba just wanted sleep last year.

Headmaster: Ah, okay!

VodkaMan: thats bullshit n you know it

VodkaMan: you have fun kids

[bot] Alter Ego: You too! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

VodkaMan: stop

HopeEgg: So as to who’s going with who, same people as last time?

DaughterOfFenrir: Well, I suppose I can go with Sayaka… if you want…

ChirpyBluebird: Sure!!!! (*≧∀≦*)

DespairTits: god you’re both so sappy

Donuts: *Atua

DespairTits: thats not even your religion

Donuts: Yonaga’s nice!! Plus I see Chabashira a lot and they’re usually in their trio

Fighter: Chabashira is a noble warrior.

AprilFools: isnt she the fucknn feminist girl

Detective: You say that like she’s the only one.

AprilFools: anyway uhhhhhhhhh

 

AprilFools kicked boyf, Headmaster and VodkaMan from the chat.

 

AprilFools: who wants alcohol

riends: DICKHEAD THAT’S MY BRO

AprilFools: do you want alcohol or not

riends: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

shsl gay: nah I got my own clear drink

AprilFools: water?

shsl gay: water tastes like shit

AprilFools: vodka then

shsl gay: it's vinegar

AprilFools: wh

shsl gay: its vinegar, pussy

shsl gayest: AFHGSJHTUFSFJDSGJTEEBSUCDIVSUDS

MarieAntoinette: has it really come down to us quoting vines and dead memes?

HopeEgg: yes

Dekomaru: yes

AprilFools: SERIOUSLY WHO WANTS BOOZE

Legami: literally none of us. Get out of my sight.

 

HopeEgg added boyf, Headmaster and VodkaMan to the chat.

 

HopeEgg: I’m sorry you three! We didn’t mean to kick you!

boyf: but I haven't been kicked???

riends: from the chat

Headmaster: It is quite alright Naegi! Accidents happen.

VodkaMan: are you,,, are you really buying this or do you not care

[bot] Alter Ego: I Do Not Know What You Are Talking About.

shsl gayest: oOF im not fit

riends: dude we’ve been working out for months

shsl gayest: we keep skipping leg day

riends: anyway why are you even?? bringing this up??

shsl gayest: had to run to catch a train

[bot] Alter Ego: You nearly dropped me! >:/

shsl gayest: oh no, i nearly collapsed

riends: if you were going into the city, you shoulda told me

riends: I coulda given u a lift

shsl gayest: you’ve been with your boyfriend all day I wasn't going to ruin that for you

shsl gayest: also i forgot to mention it

shsl gay: dumbass

HopeEgg: I’ve got snacks!

Donuts: I’ve got donuts!

DespairTits: ive got alcohol

DaughterOfFenrir: Junko.

boyf: ENOSHIMA THAT IS ILLEGAL!

Headmaster: Yes, I’m sorry but we will have to confiscate that.

DespairTits: fucc

shsl gay: enjoy the alcohol sensei

VodkaMan: whoever said i 

VodkaMan: oh right

 

~~~~ Eevee3 Harmony~~~~

 

SuprmemeLeader: hey guys guess what

DetectivePikachu: We’re copying off the older class and watching Eurovision.

SuprmemeLeader: we’re not copying, we’re stealing the idea

SuprmemeLeader: everyone split into your couples

TheFarLands: this is a gays only event if ur straight go home

GotRussianBlues: amami. buddy. of course none of us are straight.

Tenkommo-o: HIMIKO

Himikyu: nyeeeehh fine

CatOnTheKeys: that looks like it’ll be fun tho!

DetectivePikachu: idea - we all watch eurovision, together, in the same room.

Shingucci: Saihara. That is not going to happen.

SuprmemeLeader: yeah! then we dont get to use this chat! we’ve got to go all out! We’re stealing their idea and we’re going all out

 

~~~~~Super Hope’s Peak Brothers~~~~~

 

HopeCloud: so how about we

OrangeJuice: no. im not breaking into the school again

OrangeJuice: i do not want sakakura to end my life.

Zelda: @Link do you want to watch Eurovision with me? It is a tradition in my country.

Link: i mean thats what the class below us do but

Link: sure

DanceLesbian: What! Mahiruuuuu we need to out-lesbian them!!!!

PhotographyLesbian: sure! Why not x

HopeCloud: come on hajimeeeeee~ we’ll be outnumbered!

OrangeJuice: we’ll always be outnumbered

HopeCloud: ):

 

~~Timeskiip~~

 

~~~~Eurovision Squad Chat~~~~

 

shsl gayest: :(

HopeEgg: ?????

shsl gayest: there were less meme songs

MarieAntoinette: Assholes. In my opinion, the UK should have gotten more points.

ChirpyBluebird: She was amazing! I quite liked Israel  (◠﹏◠✿)

SoldierOfFenrir: Israel was cool…

SoldierOfFenrir: I kind of liked uh

SoldierOfFenrir: Moldova

shsl gay: ah, the over excited kids tv presenters at christmas

DespairTits: what the fuck are you even referencing

shsl gay: british narrator

Legami: why were you watching the british broadcast?

shsl gay: does it fuckin matter

riends: bro of course it matters we’re in japan

VodkaMan: dude… we’re japanese… and watching eurovision

[bot] Alter Ego: and we already made that joke

shsl gayest: dont question how they know that

Donuts: buT OH MY GOD THE REPRESENTATION

Detective: you mean, ireland, portugal and the pride flag that nearly obscured that het couple on stage

Donuts: yes

Dekomaru: so many pretty girls!!!!!

Bookworm: I can’t believe you pulled this shit again.

HopeEgg: ur up too

Bookworm: Die.

Headmaster: hhhhhhhhhhhhasdghghg

AprilFools: so thats where the alcohol went…. Ha a ha ah aaa

boyf: I am very concerned!

riends: and im tired as hell lets crash bro

boyf: there is clearly something wrong with the headmaster!

VodkaMan: hes finee

[bot] Alter Ego: yea i’ll vouch for that, he’s fine

Detective: The girls were really pretty again this year tho

Donuts: honestly when are girls not pretty

Detective: speaking of pretty girls though, Oogami hasn’t actually spoken at all tonight.

Fighter: I prefer not to.

Detective: That is fair.

 

~~~~Eevee3 Harmony~~~~

 

CatOnTheKeys: is iT GAY IN HERE OR WhAT

SuprmemeLeader: we get it akamatsu

SuprmemeLeader: you’re gay

TheFarLands: and we have nothing original to say

SuprmemeLeader: we are going. all. out

Kirumyself: Please tell me nobody broke the law.

then perish: Nobody in our class.

Kirumyself: Good. I don’t need to take responsibiliity then.

DetectivePikachu: i liked ukr

KinksterMcGee: we get succi you’re emo and you liked ukrane

KinksterMcGee: you emo fuck

Moonman: yo what’s up

Moonman: what did i miss

DetectivePikachu: Momota where the fuck were you

Moonman: Stargazing??? Because none of my sidekicks turned up to training

DetectivePikachu: bro we were watching Eurovision

Moonman: fuck i missed eurovision

DetectivePikachu: yeah bro im sorry

Moonman: dont be sorry bro

TapuKoko: Atua says thats gay but

SuprmemeLeader: >>>>>>>>>>>>:( back off

 

~~~~Super Hope’s Peak Brothers~~~~

 

HopeCloud: Hajimeeeeee

OrangeJuice: its over

Zelda: That was quite enjoyable!

Link: Yeah… I’m really tired now though…

Bounce: cant believe i wasnt fucking invited

Link: sorry owari…

Punsandroses: ibuki wants everyone to know that saionji and koizumi are asleep!

Tsumiki: I would like to advise everyone still awake to go to sleep, please!

Anime: but… my anime…

Tsumiki: You especially need sleep!

Tsumiki: So please, good night everyone!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one year holy shit  
> gn! Thank you for reading this chapter, and possibly sticking with me the whole year! I honestly have no concept of an update schedule oops

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos and comments if you want to see more, give me feedback, tell me how shit and unoriginal this is, or tell me to go the fuck to sleep  
> Eurovision was a wild ride for me also I'm not editing this till I regret everything in the morning


End file.
